I can't believe I'm saying this, but we leave in 14 days!!
Mood check: Excited, anxious, ANXIOUS, excited.
Are we ready? No. Will we BE ready? Probably. I hope. Haha. We have selected our movers and finalized the paperwork. We are springing for both packing and unpacking. Unpacking is a nightmare and a few hundred dollars is worth saving ourselves weeks of stress and fighting. We are also shipping one of our cars. We've made a list of things we have to bring in the car with us:
1) Air mattress and bedding - our bed and everything won't be there for maybe a week
2) Towels & Washcloths
3) Usual travel toiletries & meds - but like 2 weeks worth
4) 3 cats with carriers & cat calming stuff
5) 1 hedgehog with travel box
6) All of our computers and tablets (I don't really trust those to the movers). Unfortunately we have a lot of computers and tablets
7) Power strips
8) Self-purifying water bottles
9) Shower curtain
10) Cat litter & Box
You might be wondering how big our car is.... it's not that big. I would not really call it a 3-cat-and-a-hedgehog sedan...more of a 2 person, 1 cat sedan. Maybe 2 cats. And that's my husband's car; if we were in my little 2 seater it would just be us and half a suitcase.
Anyway! The house is ours, the packers and movers are lined up. Now we have to arrange the utilities at our new place, give notice on the utilities at our current place, empty our storage unit, finish donating the stuff we don't want to move, finish my tattoo (2 more sessions!!), pack, and we'll be ready to go!
14 days, and here is what I'm thinking about. We're doing the right thing, right? This is kind of a huge deal. I'm so excited about the house; I'm worried it will feel small or have quirks we'll have trouble adjusting to. I'm worried we'll be the only people without bikes. I'm worried about the 122 days of rain - 122 days of rain! I've only ever lived in California and Texas and I'm not sure that much rain is natural or healthy. I've been looking at the weather in Portland every day and it has rained literally every day for a month. And there is no end in sight. It rains for a week in Texas and we all act like the floods are coming. Are we ready for that much rain?! I've bought waterproof hiking shoes and rain boots so yeah, we better be ready. And parkas. And a raincoat. My friend in Portland reminded me that only tourists use umbrellas but mine is pretty and red and I have super nice hair and I really think umbrellas might need to make a comeback in Portland just for me.
I'm not REALLY worried about any of these things, but I'm kind of worried about all of them. I'm used to blue sky days and baking heat. I want the green and the earthiness and I know it will be an adjustment; it won't be as fancy as Dallas, and people will stare at my luxurious eyelash extensions, but maybe we'll make friends and have people over and do all sorts of awesome things. We'll get bikes and not be afraid to ride them. We'll go hiking in the forest and eat artisinal chickens and free-range cheese. I am so so excited. Two weeks away. Two weeks is too soon, and too far away.
WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS!!!
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Friday, November 27, 2015
Top 10 things I won't miss about Dallas
Dallas is amazing and wonderful and has a lot to offer....but there are a few layers of this city that are less than awesome. (I say Dallas, but I mean both the city proper and usually the metroplex in general.) When we started thinking about a big move, we realized there are some things we will not miss AT ALL about living here:
1) The terrible coffee shops - most of the top-rated coffee shops in Dallas have execrable coffee. Terrible. I think Dallas natives don't actually know good coffee, as most coffee is fairly weak. The coffee shops people rave about usually have some flavor for a change, which tricks residents into thinking it's good. It's not good coffee. That flavor is boiled ass. The beans are too green or they are over roasted (ahem, Ascension). Another popular local coffee chain has the 'best lattes' in Dallas. You know why they are so good? They use full cream in the lattes instead of milk. (I'm looking at you, Pearl Cup.) Many of the popular coffee shops are popular because they have music or serve sandwiches. It's a pretty low bar for coffee when you can have a 'great' coffee shop because there's live music and snacks.
2) Klyde Warren Park - I have mixed feelings about Klyde Warren Park but let me tell you, I will not miss it. It is NOT a park. There are 2 strips of grass that are constantly being fixed because a) the soil they put in sucks b) this is Texas c) Dog Pee d) everyone wants to play on the fragile grass and it just doesn't work out. If you think it's supposed to be a park, you'll be pissed off when you go there. If you think of it as a food truck place with some tables and a really nice kid's area, you'll be happy. It's a cute space. There's a pavilion type thing for music, there's food truck, there are cute water features kids like to splash around in, there is an awesome playground set back from the street and food trucks, there's a cute book/game area with lots of books and games and a hot dog cart, there are fancy-ish restaurants where you can sit and people watch. Those are all nice things! They do not, however, make a park.I seriously want to grind my teeth when people call it a great park. The free yoga classes are a cute idea but guess where they are held? Yup. On the grass. Which is either full of dog pee or closed. The location is nice, right across from the Dallas Museum of Art and close-ish to the Perot museum, so a lot of field trips end up there, jacking up the food trucks. On the few nice days a year where being outside in the Dallas weather isn't literal torture, you can wait 40 minutes in line at your favorite food truck to eat at a tiny metal table in tiny metal chairs with no misters or heaters to help manage the temperature. But the food trucks really are good
3) Traffic - No joke, the traffic is ridiculous. There are accidents everywhere, all the time. You have to take 3 freeways to get out of Downtown to anywhere useful. The interchanges are always tiny and backed up. There is traffic on freeways, like 75, at almost any time of day and FOR NO REASON. Just slow. And on the Tollway, which used to be this amazing open speedway, there are now not enough lanes to handle the traffic to and from the suburbs and it's just painful. So painful. The worst part? You get casual drivers on these commuter freeways who don't know to stay right and who slow down on curves. THEY SLOW DOWN ON CURVES. These aren't switchbacks, it's like a gentle curve in the road and these filthy casuals slow down from MAYBE going 70 to 50, 55 on a curve. I just can't. Feeder freeways are often inexplicably closed or under construction for 7 years, making driving around DFW a total surprise adventure where you may be driving through 3 extra cities just to get from a to b.
4) Overhyped restaurants I'm worried this will happen in Portland, too. Your friends will rave about a place for months, even years. You will finally make it to this special eatery, dealing with Dallas traffic and a tiny parking lot (this is a driving city; very little public transport; WHY ISN'T THERE MORE PARKING?!) or a disinterested valet who adds little efficiency to the process only to have to wait for a table in a restaurant ill-equipped for waiting patrons and then get indifferently prepared food that is almost good. At least, that's what happened when we went to Bolsa. When we asked our friends why they rave about Bolsa they responded 'well it used to be good, it's really fallen down lately'. This is a common response. So then we ask if they still go there. Yes! We love it! They say. Side-eye.
5) Valet - Why are they valets so bad here? This is a city with a ton of money, nice cars, big tippers, and valets act like they don't remember their entire job is to take away cars and bring them back. I cannot even tell you how many times we have been ignored by valets. And we have nice cars! And we are nice TO the valets! It's very strange. And it takes forever. I'd rather park far away and walk, tbh.
6) Heat - If you don't live here, you literally cannot imagine. It's oppressive. You start sweating 2 minutes after you step outside. It is NOT a dry heat. Dallas may not be as humid as Houston or Florida but trust me, if you're from CA or Nevada, you will think you are being slapped in the face with an oven wrapped in a clothes steamer. You will get heat rashes and heat stroke. You can't enjoy Taste of Dallas in the summer because you cannot eat with it is 105 outside and the food is hot too. You want to eat and drink on the super cute restaurant patios but you know there are not enough misters in the world to make it bearable. You will want to hike around White Rock Lake on a beautiful summer day but you have to be done by 10am because then God turns on the big Texas heat lamp of death and you have to run inside before your skin fries and your face melts off. Also, makeup? You will have 10,000 tricks to get your makeup to stay on all day at work and they will be marginally successful 67% of the time and they will ruin your skin. Did I mention it's hot?
7) Plastic Surgery - Try not to stare. It's not just boobs and lipo. You will see some weird, weird things here on people's faces, especially in certain neighborhoods of Dallas itself and, to a lesser extent, specific suburbs (Southlake, Plano). Puffy lips. Carved faces. Faces oddly stretched and elongated. Lots and lots of shiny botox. You will really wonder what look they were going for - alien sex cat seems to be popular
8) Conservatives - And boy, are they loud and obnoxious about it. And judgey. Either be prepared to argue a lot or do what I did after a few years, which is to shut down completely and just never talk to people about anything that matters. Your sanity will thank you.
9) Sexism - I think I covered this in an earlier blog post so let me just give one recent example that REALLY shows you what I mean: We had moving companies come give us full-service move estimates. My husband and I were both home. I tend to be the decision maker in our marriage and my husband was on a call so I was talking to the very nice moving company gentleman about which things were going and some additional details. My husband gets off his work call and walks into the living room and the moving estimator literally stops talking to me mid-sentence and then addresses every question and remark to my husband from then until he left
10) SUVs and Trucks Everywhere - Most families have at least 1 SUV or Truck. This is true even if they don't have kids and live in an apartment in the middle of the city. Go to any parking lot in the metroplex and it will be 70% trucks and SUVs. Let me repeat - this includes people who have no functional requirement for a large vehicle. People who don't have houses, or don't work on their houses, or have farms, or kids, have large vehicles just in case they need to haul stuff around. Texas is very much into doing things yourself or always being able to haul things around, so you need to be prepared at all times to do these things even if you outsource all your house services and have nothing to haul around and get everything delivered. This is an actual thing. We went to Portland and then Europe and saw people living the exact same lives with tiny vehicles and getting along just fine. In fact, in Portland people were hauling around sports equipment and recreational gear strapped to their tiny cars!! And it worked! Wtf, Texas?
1) The terrible coffee shops - most of the top-rated coffee shops in Dallas have execrable coffee. Terrible. I think Dallas natives don't actually know good coffee, as most coffee is fairly weak. The coffee shops people rave about usually have some flavor for a change, which tricks residents into thinking it's good. It's not good coffee. That flavor is boiled ass. The beans are too green or they are over roasted (ahem, Ascension). Another popular local coffee chain has the 'best lattes' in Dallas. You know why they are so good? They use full cream in the lattes instead of milk. (I'm looking at you, Pearl Cup.) Many of the popular coffee shops are popular because they have music or serve sandwiches. It's a pretty low bar for coffee when you can have a 'great' coffee shop because there's live music and snacks.
2) Klyde Warren Park - I have mixed feelings about Klyde Warren Park but let me tell you, I will not miss it. It is NOT a park. There are 2 strips of grass that are constantly being fixed because a) the soil they put in sucks b) this is Texas c) Dog Pee d) everyone wants to play on the fragile grass and it just doesn't work out. If you think it's supposed to be a park, you'll be pissed off when you go there. If you think of it as a food truck place with some tables and a really nice kid's area, you'll be happy. It's a cute space. There's a pavilion type thing for music, there's food truck, there are cute water features kids like to splash around in, there is an awesome playground set back from the street and food trucks, there's a cute book/game area with lots of books and games and a hot dog cart, there are fancy-ish restaurants where you can sit and people watch. Those are all nice things! They do not, however, make a park.I seriously want to grind my teeth when people call it a great park. The free yoga classes are a cute idea but guess where they are held? Yup. On the grass. Which is either full of dog pee or closed. The location is nice, right across from the Dallas Museum of Art and close-ish to the Perot museum, so a lot of field trips end up there, jacking up the food trucks. On the few nice days a year where being outside in the Dallas weather isn't literal torture, you can wait 40 minutes in line at your favorite food truck to eat at a tiny metal table in tiny metal chairs with no misters or heaters to help manage the temperature. But the food trucks really are good
3) Traffic - No joke, the traffic is ridiculous. There are accidents everywhere, all the time. You have to take 3 freeways to get out of Downtown to anywhere useful. The interchanges are always tiny and backed up. There is traffic on freeways, like 75, at almost any time of day and FOR NO REASON. Just slow. And on the Tollway, which used to be this amazing open speedway, there are now not enough lanes to handle the traffic to and from the suburbs and it's just painful. So painful. The worst part? You get casual drivers on these commuter freeways who don't know to stay right and who slow down on curves. THEY SLOW DOWN ON CURVES. These aren't switchbacks, it's like a gentle curve in the road and these filthy casuals slow down from MAYBE going 70 to 50, 55 on a curve. I just can't. Feeder freeways are often inexplicably closed or under construction for 7 years, making driving around DFW a total surprise adventure where you may be driving through 3 extra cities just to get from a to b.
4) Overhyped restaurants I'm worried this will happen in Portland, too. Your friends will rave about a place for months, even years. You will finally make it to this special eatery, dealing with Dallas traffic and a tiny parking lot (this is a driving city; very little public transport; WHY ISN'T THERE MORE PARKING?!) or a disinterested valet who adds little efficiency to the process only to have to wait for a table in a restaurant ill-equipped for waiting patrons and then get indifferently prepared food that is almost good. At least, that's what happened when we went to Bolsa. When we asked our friends why they rave about Bolsa they responded 'well it used to be good, it's really fallen down lately'. This is a common response. So then we ask if they still go there. Yes! We love it! They say. Side-eye.
5) Valet - Why are they valets so bad here? This is a city with a ton of money, nice cars, big tippers, and valets act like they don't remember their entire job is to take away cars and bring them back. I cannot even tell you how many times we have been ignored by valets. And we have nice cars! And we are nice TO the valets! It's very strange. And it takes forever. I'd rather park far away and walk, tbh.
6) Heat - If you don't live here, you literally cannot imagine. It's oppressive. You start sweating 2 minutes after you step outside. It is NOT a dry heat. Dallas may not be as humid as Houston or Florida but trust me, if you're from CA or Nevada, you will think you are being slapped in the face with an oven wrapped in a clothes steamer. You will get heat rashes and heat stroke. You can't enjoy Taste of Dallas in the summer because you cannot eat with it is 105 outside and the food is hot too. You want to eat and drink on the super cute restaurant patios but you know there are not enough misters in the world to make it bearable. You will want to hike around White Rock Lake on a beautiful summer day but you have to be done by 10am because then God turns on the big Texas heat lamp of death and you have to run inside before your skin fries and your face melts off. Also, makeup? You will have 10,000 tricks to get your makeup to stay on all day at work and they will be marginally successful 67% of the time and they will ruin your skin. Did I mention it's hot?
7) Plastic Surgery - Try not to stare. It's not just boobs and lipo. You will see some weird, weird things here on people's faces, especially in certain neighborhoods of Dallas itself and, to a lesser extent, specific suburbs (Southlake, Plano). Puffy lips. Carved faces. Faces oddly stretched and elongated. Lots and lots of shiny botox. You will really wonder what look they were going for - alien sex cat seems to be popular
8) Conservatives - And boy, are they loud and obnoxious about it. And judgey. Either be prepared to argue a lot or do what I did after a few years, which is to shut down completely and just never talk to people about anything that matters. Your sanity will thank you.
9) Sexism - I think I covered this in an earlier blog post so let me just give one recent example that REALLY shows you what I mean: We had moving companies come give us full-service move estimates. My husband and I were both home. I tend to be the decision maker in our marriage and my husband was on a call so I was talking to the very nice moving company gentleman about which things were going and some additional details. My husband gets off his work call and walks into the living room and the moving estimator literally stops talking to me mid-sentence and then addresses every question and remark to my husband from then until he left
10) SUVs and Trucks Everywhere - Most families have at least 1 SUV or Truck. This is true even if they don't have kids and live in an apartment in the middle of the city. Go to any parking lot in the metroplex and it will be 70% trucks and SUVs. Let me repeat - this includes people who have no functional requirement for a large vehicle. People who don't have houses, or don't work on their houses, or have farms, or kids, have large vehicles just in case they need to haul stuff around. Texas is very much into doing things yourself or always being able to haul things around, so you need to be prepared at all times to do these things even if you outsource all your house services and have nothing to haul around and get everything delivered. This is an actual thing. We went to Portland and then Europe and saw people living the exact same lives with tiny vehicles and getting along just fine. In fact, in Portland people were hauling around sports equipment and recreational gear strapped to their tiny cars!! And it worked! Wtf, Texas?
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Things that are different - Portland vs Dallas housing
I wanted to jot down some things that were glaringly different about Portland housing from Dallas housing:
1) Price per square foot is WAY higher in PDX!
2) Related: People seem to be used to smaller overall housing and smaller rooms. Lots of comments about 'large rooms' and 'large apartments' on things we would have struggled to fit in
3) Why are there so many washers and dryers in bathrooms in apartments? Why is that a thing?!
4) Closets are not apparently popular in Portland. I'm confused about this, since I keep thinking there is more cold weather gear/bulkier storage requirements. Where are all the winter coats, boots, etc going? WHERE?!
5) Parking is a privilege, not a right. NOT A RIGHT.
6) Finishes - luxury finishes were more the exception than the rule
7) Walls are not expecting lots of big screen TVs to be mounted to them
8) Covered parking is not a right or a privilege, but is more similar to a unicorn
9) There are more expectations of beer in apartment buildings
10) Bike parking is a right. In fact, bike repair services IN apartment buildings is a right too.
11) Two bathrooms are a luxury. Who needs bathrooms? Just ride around on your bike wearing all your clothes
12) AC is not common. Also unicorn
13) Pantries are like....dragons. Rare and scary.
14) Cabinet space - also a unicorn
15) But ALL rentals had washers and dryers. Like ALL of them. Dallas does not do that, W/D in rentals is less common
16) The application process was pretty rigorous. Lots of forms, actually calling former landlords and employers, background checks. Crazy!
17) NO CATS. You have a cat? Buy a house. Dogs may be considered. But cats are of the devil and you cannot rent anything ever. Want your cat to be considered? Extra $1k please. Then we will talk
I sound snarky, because our search was for a 2 bedroom 2 bath rental house that allowed cats and had AC and a large chef kitchen with modern appliances and high end finishes and a garage.
Soooooo our first few weeks of searching was a bit of an adjustment for us :)
We did finally find a place that was ok with our cats, with a large deposit, but no AC or garage and no real pantry or cabinet space. But it's perfect, and we love it, and we love Portland, and we knew it would be an adjustment so we are ready for this! I'm glad we visited, the nice AirBNB we stayed in really prepared us for some of the differences. But still.... such an adjustment!
1) Price per square foot is WAY higher in PDX!
2) Related: People seem to be used to smaller overall housing and smaller rooms. Lots of comments about 'large rooms' and 'large apartments' on things we would have struggled to fit in
3) Why are there so many washers and dryers in bathrooms in apartments? Why is that a thing?!
4) Closets are not apparently popular in Portland. I'm confused about this, since I keep thinking there is more cold weather gear/bulkier storage requirements. Where are all the winter coats, boots, etc going? WHERE?!
5) Parking is a privilege, not a right. NOT A RIGHT.
6) Finishes - luxury finishes were more the exception than the rule
7) Walls are not expecting lots of big screen TVs to be mounted to them
8) Covered parking is not a right or a privilege, but is more similar to a unicorn
9) There are more expectations of beer in apartment buildings
10) Bike parking is a right. In fact, bike repair services IN apartment buildings is a right too.
11) Two bathrooms are a luxury. Who needs bathrooms? Just ride around on your bike wearing all your clothes
12) AC is not common. Also unicorn
13) Pantries are like....dragons. Rare and scary.
14) Cabinet space - also a unicorn
15) But ALL rentals had washers and dryers. Like ALL of them. Dallas does not do that, W/D in rentals is less common
16) The application process was pretty rigorous. Lots of forms, actually calling former landlords and employers, background checks. Crazy!
17) NO CATS. You have a cat? Buy a house. Dogs may be considered. But cats are of the devil and you cannot rent anything ever. Want your cat to be considered? Extra $1k please. Then we will talk
I sound snarky, because our search was for a 2 bedroom 2 bath rental house that allowed cats and had AC and a large chef kitchen with modern appliances and high end finishes and a garage.
Soooooo our first few weeks of searching was a bit of an adjustment for us :)
We did finally find a place that was ok with our cats, with a large deposit, but no AC or garage and no real pantry or cabinet space. But it's perfect, and we love it, and we love Portland, and we knew it would be an adjustment so we are ready for this! I'm glad we visited, the nice AirBNB we stayed in really prepared us for some of the differences. But still.... such an adjustment!
The Housing Situation
Let me just start by saying we knew the housing situation would be different in Portland. I mean, we've watched both Grimm AND Portlandia, so we thought we knew what we were getting into. Victorians, Craftsmans, funky little houses with personality - sign us up!
One thing we didn't consider is that the forces of television and the California drought had conspired to suddenly turn Portland into a relocation hotspot. For the last year or two, out of state buyers with deep pockets have been flocking to Portland. According to one realtor we called, Portland is the cheapest major city on the West Coast and basically everyone wants to live there.
Yaaaaay! So we are not exactly on the tail end of the trend, more like right smack dab in the middle of it and totally affected by it. We've now read a ton of articles about how home prices are being driven up like crazy, locals are angry and hate it, etc. People from CA and Seattle are flocking in. New apartment buildings are being built pretty much constantly and as of yet are not able to keep up with the housing demand. It's kind of like when we sold our house in Frisco last year and the housing market was blowing up and it was a madhouse.
All rentals are going quickly. We aren't ready to buy - we want to spend a year there getting settled first - and now I'm worried about how much it will cost when we are ready to buy. We were going back and forth about house rental vs apt; I wanted a house, a charming little antique with character. My husband wanted another year of no maintenance pampering and would have loved another high rise apartment like we are in now. We looked all over and determined that to get the quality and relative location of our current apartment but in Portland would cost us approximately 50% more and even then, we would really not get the same quality. We looked at some nice places but everything is much smaller in Portland, with less storage, and some places only had parking for 1 car! We quickly realized that everything is, in fact, different in Portland.
We can't sell either of our cars right now, which is kind of funny because we want the walkable lifestyle which means we don't really need two cars, but can't unload one yet. So we increased our budget slightly and, after looking at a ton of townhomes, apartments, condos, and houses, and eliminating quite a few from our housing matrix (of course we have a housing matrix, in excel, with weighted categories), we had an uh-oh moment. It's like an ah-ha moment but less fun. Uh-oh, we said. It's time to decide what we can compromise on (price, size, location). Do we want the size we want, in the location that's ideal (Pearl), but totally blows our budget? Do we want to sacrifice size, but get closer to price in ideal location (Pearl)? I told my husband I would do either for him, since he really wanted to live there. It could be fun! Personally, I was feeling done with apartments, but would do it another year for him to get the location he wanted.
The next day, as if by magic, my husband found the perfect house rental. I can't even tell you. A restored 1906 Craftsman style house with hardwood floors throughout. It has tons of character, a cute yard, and it's in a neighborhood with tons of walkable restaurants and coffee shops. There are parks and a huge cemetery!! It is LITERALLY my dream house. I flipped out when I saw it. We sent in a few questions, filled out the applications (a process far more arduous in Portland than in Dallas, btw), and BAM! We found out today we got the house!! It has 3 bedrooms so we can have separate offices, and the 2 bathrooms that were a MUST HAVE for us. SO happy!! Today we are giving thanks that our plan is starting to come together - we have a place to live!!! Now we just need to finalize the movers....
One thing we didn't consider is that the forces of television and the California drought had conspired to suddenly turn Portland into a relocation hotspot. For the last year or two, out of state buyers with deep pockets have been flocking to Portland. According to one realtor we called, Portland is the cheapest major city on the West Coast and basically everyone wants to live there.
Yaaaaay! So we are not exactly on the tail end of the trend, more like right smack dab in the middle of it and totally affected by it. We've now read a ton of articles about how home prices are being driven up like crazy, locals are angry and hate it, etc. People from CA and Seattle are flocking in. New apartment buildings are being built pretty much constantly and as of yet are not able to keep up with the housing demand. It's kind of like when we sold our house in Frisco last year and the housing market was blowing up and it was a madhouse.
All rentals are going quickly. We aren't ready to buy - we want to spend a year there getting settled first - and now I'm worried about how much it will cost when we are ready to buy. We were going back and forth about house rental vs apt; I wanted a house, a charming little antique with character. My husband wanted another year of no maintenance pampering and would have loved another high rise apartment like we are in now. We looked all over and determined that to get the quality and relative location of our current apartment but in Portland would cost us approximately 50% more and even then, we would really not get the same quality. We looked at some nice places but everything is much smaller in Portland, with less storage, and some places only had parking for 1 car! We quickly realized that everything is, in fact, different in Portland.
We can't sell either of our cars right now, which is kind of funny because we want the walkable lifestyle which means we don't really need two cars, but can't unload one yet. So we increased our budget slightly and, after looking at a ton of townhomes, apartments, condos, and houses, and eliminating quite a few from our housing matrix (of course we have a housing matrix, in excel, with weighted categories), we had an uh-oh moment. It's like an ah-ha moment but less fun. Uh-oh, we said. It's time to decide what we can compromise on (price, size, location). Do we want the size we want, in the location that's ideal (Pearl), but totally blows our budget? Do we want to sacrifice size, but get closer to price in ideal location (Pearl)? I told my husband I would do either for him, since he really wanted to live there. It could be fun! Personally, I was feeling done with apartments, but would do it another year for him to get the location he wanted.
The next day, as if by magic, my husband found the perfect house rental. I can't even tell you. A restored 1906 Craftsman style house with hardwood floors throughout. It has tons of character, a cute yard, and it's in a neighborhood with tons of walkable restaurants and coffee shops. There are parks and a huge cemetery!! It is LITERALLY my dream house. I flipped out when I saw it. We sent in a few questions, filled out the applications (a process far more arduous in Portland than in Dallas, btw), and BAM! We found out today we got the house!! It has 3 bedrooms so we can have separate offices, and the 2 bathrooms that were a MUST HAVE for us. SO happy!! Today we are giving thanks that our plan is starting to come together - we have a place to live!!! Now we just need to finalize the movers....
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Making Decisions and Taking Risks
If you know me in real life, you know I'm great at one and avoid the other like it's a rabid dog. I have one of the most risk-averse personalities I know... which makes me great at my job and terrible at life sometimes. But, every once in a while - like a caterpillar going hey, life might be awesome if I could FLY instead of CRAWL - I'm ready to take a leap. And then I am decisive af.
This is one of those times. I was in a bit of a spin a few weeks ago, stressed about work, worrying about the timing of the move, getting a job - how to juggle all these delicate little snowglobes. I can't stay in this cocoon of a job any more, as much as I love it. And holding on to this apartment at the month to month rent just doesn't make any sense. So we made the decision to give notice; we have to be out by Jan 5. Giving ourselves a deadline made quite a few things crystal clear. Also? I LOVE DEADLINES. So hard.
So then, work. This is a very very busy time; when I came back from vacation I was gung-ho about applying for jobs but I quickly realized that if I wasn't 100% focused on making it through the end of the year and planning for next year, I might not even have this job. So I spent 3 weeks getting everything at work in order; fixing all the mayhem that happened while I was on vacation, getting the ball rolling on 2016, getting a bunch of things unstuck for my team.
And then I felt it - the loosening of the cocoon. I was on my treadmill when I had this aha moment: there is less risk in talking to my boss about this change than there is trying to hide it. Also, given my role, I'd be a giant ahole for leaving with 2 weeks notice. And this thing I've built at work - this team, this mission we have - I of course want it to be successful after I leave. The best thing for my company, and for me, would be a collaborative transition. I had already told the two people I work most closely with but it was clearly time to involve my boss and hope she appreciated the approach.
I gut-checked my decision with my very close friend and coworker. She and I have known each other for 14 years and worked together at multiple companies. She instantly agreed - of course I should involve my boss! She knows her well and thought it was a great idea. As an independent consultant, my boss is actually my direct client; we've had a few different professional relationships and some ups and downs, but we are both good people whose primary goal is to do the best thing for the company. My friend and I talked through it on our hike and I pitched her my transition idea and she loved it. Up next: talking to my husband.
He freaked out. "What if she fires you?" he said. :( Not what I wanted to hear, but a fair question. Practical for a number of reasons, and touches on that risk-averse nerve we both have. I explained my reasoning to him and walked him through it. He settled down, and then hugged me and apologized for scaring the crap out of me with his question. I definitely want my husband's support on something this scary and big, and I had it after two conversations where we - big nerds that we are - looked at each point from three angles and concluded my initial assessment was correct. It was actually less risky to tell her than to try to do all this, juggling the timing and finding a job, in secret. Plus, again, total jerk move to only give 2 weeks notice on a role it took them years to find someone for to begin with.
So I emailed my boss client - who I rarely see in person - and let her know we should talk Monday morning. My friend also texted her and let her know to make sure to make time for a face to face with me. Then I sat up and outlined my proposed three-part transition plan on a powerpoint slide. Yes, I'm a nerd. But this is also how we communicate, since she is a former consultant as well. Also, once I make a decision, I'm ready to move on it. I had my husband and my friend proof-read the slide, and they loved the format and the plan. I stuck it in one of my trademark pink and gold folders and I was ready to roll.
Here is the gist of it - I will spare you the sub-bullets etc, but trust me, they were awesome:
1) Prep - she starts recruiting my replacement; I get everything in my area closed out this year and ready for 2016
2) Training - I start training my replacement and I prepare to move into a different role to help us meet a regulatory deadline we have for the end of Q1 2016.
3) Transition and close: I move at the end of December and work remotely, full time or part time as the transition and new role is required in Q1. I would travel back a few times as needed. By the end of Q1 I completely transition out
For them, this gives them time to hire the right replacement, not just finding someone to make do in an emergency. They've wanted someone permanent in my role and that hadn't been my goal, so this frees them up to find the right long-term person. It gives the company and myself the opportunity to move forward respectfully and transparently, and do the right thing for both parties. I get to walk away from a job that I loved, from people I loved working with, knowing I did the right thing to help set them up to be successful in a future without me. It also gives me the freedom to look for my next position while I'm there in Portland, vs remotely, while still making money to help support my family. No secrets, no hard feelings, and we all get to walk away with our happy memories.
The conversation went really well. It was one of the best conversations she and I had ever had. She was very happy for me personally; I explained what Portland meant to me and to my husband and she is so excited for our future. Professionally, she very much appreciated the transition approach and was so happy I hadn't just abandoned them. It was great. We talked through our hopes for the role and the program; we talked about how our relationship had evolved and some things we had been through; I felt a great sense of closure. I also took responsibility for some mis-steps, and she did as well. Her support of my decision - both to leave, and how I wanted to handle leaving - gave my that last little bit of validation I needed to know this was right. I knew it in my heart, and I was glad my head caught up to knowing how to make it happen. Maintaining professional and personal relationships is incredibly important, and handling decisions and communications responsibly and authentically, and trusting your gut, are the best way to do it.
The move is still scary. Knowing I need to find another job in Q1 is scary. But I am ready to shake off my new wings and fly and trust the wind and my own strength and instincts to keep me afloat.
This is one of those times. I was in a bit of a spin a few weeks ago, stressed about work, worrying about the timing of the move, getting a job - how to juggle all these delicate little snowglobes. I can't stay in this cocoon of a job any more, as much as I love it. And holding on to this apartment at the month to month rent just doesn't make any sense. So we made the decision to give notice; we have to be out by Jan 5. Giving ourselves a deadline made quite a few things crystal clear. Also? I LOVE DEADLINES. So hard.
So then, work. This is a very very busy time; when I came back from vacation I was gung-ho about applying for jobs but I quickly realized that if I wasn't 100% focused on making it through the end of the year and planning for next year, I might not even have this job. So I spent 3 weeks getting everything at work in order; fixing all the mayhem that happened while I was on vacation, getting the ball rolling on 2016, getting a bunch of things unstuck for my team.
And then I felt it - the loosening of the cocoon. I was on my treadmill when I had this aha moment: there is less risk in talking to my boss about this change than there is trying to hide it. Also, given my role, I'd be a giant ahole for leaving with 2 weeks notice. And this thing I've built at work - this team, this mission we have - I of course want it to be successful after I leave. The best thing for my company, and for me, would be a collaborative transition. I had already told the two people I work most closely with but it was clearly time to involve my boss and hope she appreciated the approach.
I gut-checked my decision with my very close friend and coworker. She and I have known each other for 14 years and worked together at multiple companies. She instantly agreed - of course I should involve my boss! She knows her well and thought it was a great idea. As an independent consultant, my boss is actually my direct client; we've had a few different professional relationships and some ups and downs, but we are both good people whose primary goal is to do the best thing for the company. My friend and I talked through it on our hike and I pitched her my transition idea and she loved it. Up next: talking to my husband.
He freaked out. "What if she fires you?" he said. :( Not what I wanted to hear, but a fair question. Practical for a number of reasons, and touches on that risk-averse nerve we both have. I explained my reasoning to him and walked him through it. He settled down, and then hugged me and apologized for scaring the crap out of me with his question. I definitely want my husband's support on something this scary and big, and I had it after two conversations where we - big nerds that we are - looked at each point from three angles and concluded my initial assessment was correct. It was actually less risky to tell her than to try to do all this, juggling the timing and finding a job, in secret. Plus, again, total jerk move to only give 2 weeks notice on a role it took them years to find someone for to begin with.
So I emailed my boss client - who I rarely see in person - and let her know we should talk Monday morning. My friend also texted her and let her know to make sure to make time for a face to face with me. Then I sat up and outlined my proposed three-part transition plan on a powerpoint slide. Yes, I'm a nerd. But this is also how we communicate, since she is a former consultant as well. Also, once I make a decision, I'm ready to move on it. I had my husband and my friend proof-read the slide, and they loved the format and the plan. I stuck it in one of my trademark pink and gold folders and I was ready to roll.
Here is the gist of it - I will spare you the sub-bullets etc, but trust me, they were awesome:
1) Prep - she starts recruiting my replacement; I get everything in my area closed out this year and ready for 2016
2) Training - I start training my replacement and I prepare to move into a different role to help us meet a regulatory deadline we have for the end of Q1 2016.
3) Transition and close: I move at the end of December and work remotely, full time or part time as the transition and new role is required in Q1. I would travel back a few times as needed. By the end of Q1 I completely transition out
For them, this gives them time to hire the right replacement, not just finding someone to make do in an emergency. They've wanted someone permanent in my role and that hadn't been my goal, so this frees them up to find the right long-term person. It gives the company and myself the opportunity to move forward respectfully and transparently, and do the right thing for both parties. I get to walk away from a job that I loved, from people I loved working with, knowing I did the right thing to help set them up to be successful in a future without me. It also gives me the freedom to look for my next position while I'm there in Portland, vs remotely, while still making money to help support my family. No secrets, no hard feelings, and we all get to walk away with our happy memories.
The conversation went really well. It was one of the best conversations she and I had ever had. She was very happy for me personally; I explained what Portland meant to me and to my husband and she is so excited for our future. Professionally, she very much appreciated the transition approach and was so happy I hadn't just abandoned them. It was great. We talked through our hopes for the role and the program; we talked about how our relationship had evolved and some things we had been through; I felt a great sense of closure. I also took responsibility for some mis-steps, and she did as well. Her support of my decision - both to leave, and how I wanted to handle leaving - gave my that last little bit of validation I needed to know this was right. I knew it in my heart, and I was glad my head caught up to knowing how to make it happen. Maintaining professional and personal relationships is incredibly important, and handling decisions and communications responsibly and authentically, and trusting your gut, are the best way to do it.
The move is still scary. Knowing I need to find another job in Q1 is scary. But I am ready to shake off my new wings and fly and trust the wind and my own strength and instincts to keep me afloat.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
This part is hard...
Total first world problem but... I miss Vegas! My husband and I LOVE Las Vegas. We usually go 4+ times every year. We gamble, we eat, we walk, we talk, we make fun of the tourists and the cost of food, we rank the buffets (based on a completely arbitrary scale of Way Worse than the Wynn, Worse than the Wynn, almost as good as the Wynn, and Oh My Gosh This Might be Better than the Wynn).
Interestingly, Vegas is one of the few places where we BOTH relax. We are out constantly, which he loves. We are constantly doing things, which I love. We stay up late, we lose track of time, we gamble, we don't worry about money because we consider it entertainment cost, work mostly leaves us alone, we usually win enough to keep losing... ahhh, Vegas.
We have platinum status at the M-Life casinos - MGM Grand, Bellagio, Aria, etc. This year was a little different; the points get locked in in September, and that is your status for the rest of the year. Your status also sets the level of how quickly you earn points. One of our favorite perks is all the cutting in line you can do with platinum status, since we hate standing around for any reason when there is gambling to be done. Taxi! Head of the line. Buffet! Head of the line. You get the gist. Anyway, this year we didn't do our usual Aug/Sept point frenzy trip to hit platinum status. We had enough for gold for the following year, and we had our big birthday trip coming up so we decided not to do it. You may call this cheating, but.... we still have our platinum cards, which means we can still cut in line. I call that a win-win! And no matter how much we love Vegas, Europe > Vegas by like a lot.
But now here we are - back from our big trip for over a month, a move looming in the near distance, and it would be ridiculously foolish to spend the time and money on a Vegas trip. Foolish!! But I'm starting to get that itch, that go to Vegas itch... What to do? If I tell my hubby I'm worried he'll talk me into doing it!!
Sunday, October 25, 2015
The job hunt begins!
The hubby and I went on a fantastic vacation last month - our last trip before we move! We need to save money, energy, and vacation time from now on so we can be ready for this big life change. The trip was amazing, truly the trip of a lifetime. Someday I will need to post pictures on here! Right now we are trying to keep a low profile so we can do all this without setting off alarms with our coworkers. That part is hard - I'm used to sharing major life events with those close to me, and who is closer to you than the people you spend 8-10 hours a day with? Unfortunately in the corporate world that doesn't always work. You start telling people your plans and maybe they start planning for you not to be there sooner than you'd like.
Even before we decided to move, I started getting that itchy feeling at work you get when you've outgrown a role. I knew I was ready to move on, whether that meant a new company or just a different role at the same place. I was hiring anyway, so I started looking for a suitable replacement to start grooming. Talk about a comedy of errors! My favorite candidate turned into a diva during negotiations. The one who made it through 5 rounds of screening can barely write an email (how does that happen?!). Someone else I was counting on left for personal reasons. My succession planning is not going well! I don't want to leave my company, my team, and my leadership in the lurch but trying to get things ready for me to leave without letting people know too far in advance that I'm leaving is turning into a Herculean task.
It brings up interesting questions, though. I mean, we all rely on each other at work. I want to give more than two weeks notice, but depending on where you work, you really don't want to tell them too far in advance, because if they start their own succession planning the timing may not work out in your favor. It could take months for me to get a job in Portland, and a lot of people are leery of hiring someone who plans to relocate because, unless it's one of the rare company that just covers it for you, it can be a big headache for everyone. It's also incredibly distracting to be looking for jobs and taking calls while helping plan for 2016 - a 2016 you are hoping not to be there to see.
I was dying to start my job hunt before we left on our trip but we agreed that would only stress me out, and I'd be wanting to check emails and calls instead of relaxing - and I'd be worried about getting calls, worried about NOT getting calls - basically I'd be my usual tightly wound ball of anxiety, just in a different place. Waiting was the right decision, but it was tough.
I updated my resume and spent a ton of time on it. I had some trusted allies review it, and they had minor changes. What's funny is that I changed jobs a few years ago but I was basically recruited away from my previous job, so while I had a resume, I hadn't gone through this process of finding jobs and sending in applications or resumes. I haven't really job hunted in WELL over a decade! My friend suggested working with recruiting companies but I wasn't sure - do people still do that? Is that still a thing? Besides, I was enjoying looking through the postings and picking and choosing. It was like shopping online, and I am INCREDIBLE at shopping online! We have found our own house and apartments that way too, even when working with a realtor. We just love it.
Fast forward to two weeks later - ouch. Only 1 call back. Clearly my amazing resume is not painting a picture that people want to buy! The recruiter who called me back on behalf of the company I was applying to gave me some helpful information:
Most companies are using databases and software to screen resumes. I currently work for a pretty small company, and we manually screen resumes. This, I have found, is not common any more. For those of you who blog or are involved in social media or online marketing, you are familiar with SEO. Apparently we need to approach our resumes the same way. After talking with the recruiter I visited with a friend and colleague and ran my thoughts by him - he's found a number of jobs all over the country and recently went through this process, so he has expert credentials. Here is what we've concluded:
1) Yes, you will need to have different versions of your resume for different types of jobs. I have a very complex job history and am applying for multiple levels and functional areas - I need resumes for each.
2) Stock your resume with appropriate keywords. I did this wrong. I mean, obviously I THOUGHT I did it right, but I didn't. I had keywords that showed the breadth of my experience - which is valuable for some roles, but won't help me with the keyword algorithms most companies are using. In my targeted resumes I need to stock each resume with a ton of keywords and hit the right frequency so the database search will LOVE me. That means reading those postings carefully. Is the posting for IT Architecture? Great. Don't just say Architecture 500 times - I mean, yes, do that, but also throw in a ton of other keywords in that field.
3) Use local headhunters. Apparently, even in this day and age of total information access online, a headhunter is helpful, for both you and the company you are applying for.
4) Have your story ready. Weird gaps in your timeline? Left a company voluntarily to take a lesser role but for more money? Have experience that doesn't relate to your primary role? Have a good story and be prepared to sell it authentically
5) Be ok with being ignored. You want a good fit, not 1000 first dates that go nowhere.
6) Decide if you are willing to settle if it leads to your greater goal. I know what my dream company is in Portland. I know what type of role I want next. But am I willing to take a 50% paycut to be in the PNW? Am I willing to accept a job with travel if I get the salary I want and I get to move? Am I willing to take a job at the wrong level if it gets me a foot in the door, or if it's just a temporary thing so I can move and keep looking? Know your priorities and know what compromises you are willing to make.
So - with all that said - now I need to get back to work. I will have at least 4 different versions of my resume, well stocked with the best keywords in the industry, and I will make sure my story is clear and shows off what I've accomplished. I will also prepare a few different cover letters. I was too excited about my well-crafted resume and all the shiny jobs out there and I started doing what I said I would not do - I got complacent and over-excited and just started throwing my resume at any job that caught my interest, without taking the time to add compelling cover letters or tweaking the resume for the job and industry. Not a terrible mistake, but definitely a learning opportunity that I intend to maximize immediately. Because, on this journey we take in our lives, if we don't learn from our choices and we don't grow, what the hell are we doing? Just killing time.
And I don't want to kill time. I want to grow, and learn, and constantly improve - and I want to move our butts to Portland!!
Even before we decided to move, I started getting that itchy feeling at work you get when you've outgrown a role. I knew I was ready to move on, whether that meant a new company or just a different role at the same place. I was hiring anyway, so I started looking for a suitable replacement to start grooming. Talk about a comedy of errors! My favorite candidate turned into a diva during negotiations. The one who made it through 5 rounds of screening can barely write an email (how does that happen?!). Someone else I was counting on left for personal reasons. My succession planning is not going well! I don't want to leave my company, my team, and my leadership in the lurch but trying to get things ready for me to leave without letting people know too far in advance that I'm leaving is turning into a Herculean task.
It brings up interesting questions, though. I mean, we all rely on each other at work. I want to give more than two weeks notice, but depending on where you work, you really don't want to tell them too far in advance, because if they start their own succession planning the timing may not work out in your favor. It could take months for me to get a job in Portland, and a lot of people are leery of hiring someone who plans to relocate because, unless it's one of the rare company that just covers it for you, it can be a big headache for everyone. It's also incredibly distracting to be looking for jobs and taking calls while helping plan for 2016 - a 2016 you are hoping not to be there to see.
I was dying to start my job hunt before we left on our trip but we agreed that would only stress me out, and I'd be wanting to check emails and calls instead of relaxing - and I'd be worried about getting calls, worried about NOT getting calls - basically I'd be my usual tightly wound ball of anxiety, just in a different place. Waiting was the right decision, but it was tough.
I updated my resume and spent a ton of time on it. I had some trusted allies review it, and they had minor changes. What's funny is that I changed jobs a few years ago but I was basically recruited away from my previous job, so while I had a resume, I hadn't gone through this process of finding jobs and sending in applications or resumes. I haven't really job hunted in WELL over a decade! My friend suggested working with recruiting companies but I wasn't sure - do people still do that? Is that still a thing? Besides, I was enjoying looking through the postings and picking and choosing. It was like shopping online, and I am INCREDIBLE at shopping online! We have found our own house and apartments that way too, even when working with a realtor. We just love it.
Fast forward to two weeks later - ouch. Only 1 call back. Clearly my amazing resume is not painting a picture that people want to buy! The recruiter who called me back on behalf of the company I was applying to gave me some helpful information:
Most companies are using databases and software to screen resumes. I currently work for a pretty small company, and we manually screen resumes. This, I have found, is not common any more. For those of you who blog or are involved in social media or online marketing, you are familiar with SEO. Apparently we need to approach our resumes the same way. After talking with the recruiter I visited with a friend and colleague and ran my thoughts by him - he's found a number of jobs all over the country and recently went through this process, so he has expert credentials. Here is what we've concluded:
1) Yes, you will need to have different versions of your resume for different types of jobs. I have a very complex job history and am applying for multiple levels and functional areas - I need resumes for each.
2) Stock your resume with appropriate keywords. I did this wrong. I mean, obviously I THOUGHT I did it right, but I didn't. I had keywords that showed the breadth of my experience - which is valuable for some roles, but won't help me with the keyword algorithms most companies are using. In my targeted resumes I need to stock each resume with a ton of keywords and hit the right frequency so the database search will LOVE me. That means reading those postings carefully. Is the posting for IT Architecture? Great. Don't just say Architecture 500 times - I mean, yes, do that, but also throw in a ton of other keywords in that field.
3) Use local headhunters. Apparently, even in this day and age of total information access online, a headhunter is helpful, for both you and the company you are applying for.
4) Have your story ready. Weird gaps in your timeline? Left a company voluntarily to take a lesser role but for more money? Have experience that doesn't relate to your primary role? Have a good story and be prepared to sell it authentically
5) Be ok with being ignored. You want a good fit, not 1000 first dates that go nowhere.
6) Decide if you are willing to settle if it leads to your greater goal. I know what my dream company is in Portland. I know what type of role I want next. But am I willing to take a 50% paycut to be in the PNW? Am I willing to accept a job with travel if I get the salary I want and I get to move? Am I willing to take a job at the wrong level if it gets me a foot in the door, or if it's just a temporary thing so I can move and keep looking? Know your priorities and know what compromises you are willing to make.
So - with all that said - now I need to get back to work. I will have at least 4 different versions of my resume, well stocked with the best keywords in the industry, and I will make sure my story is clear and shows off what I've accomplished. I will also prepare a few different cover letters. I was too excited about my well-crafted resume and all the shiny jobs out there and I started doing what I said I would not do - I got complacent and over-excited and just started throwing my resume at any job that caught my interest, without taking the time to add compelling cover letters or tweaking the resume for the job and industry. Not a terrible mistake, but definitely a learning opportunity that I intend to maximize immediately. Because, on this journey we take in our lives, if we don't learn from our choices and we don't grow, what the hell are we doing? Just killing time.
And I don't want to kill time. I want to grow, and learn, and constantly improve - and I want to move our butts to Portland!!
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Things to do before we leave Dallas
In addition to all of the things that we have enjoyed in Dallas, there are still a bunch of things that we haven't done yet. These are all places we want to eat, since Dallas does excel on restaurants.
Uchi
The lead up to this restaurant opening was filled with excitement from everywhere we turned. Reservations were hard to come by, and you had to book far in advance, even after they had been open for a while. We got around to reserving a table, and were eager to finally try it after hearing positive reviews. Unfortunately, we were unable to make our reservation, and have yet to make it there. We are determined, though, to enjoy the dishes of which we've heard so much before we leave.
Katy Trail Ice House
This one has been around for a long time, and we have almost made it there several times. We have been in the parking lot, so close were we to following through. We've walked past this place while on the trail. We have cut through its yard and lot to and from the trail. We have had friends hold parties there. We live close to it. There's really no reason for us to not have enjoyed this place, yet we just haven't made it. As we move into that brief period in Dallas where the temperature is not actively trying to kill you, I think that we'll finally seize our chance to enjoy the patio here before we go.
Pecan Lodge
It's safe to say that anyone who has paid attention to BBQ in Texas has heard of Pecan Lodge. It's probably safe to say that most people in Dallas have heard of this place whether they're into BBQ or not. It's been named one of the best in Texas Monthly and Southern Living, and featured on Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. Then came their move out of the Dallas Farmers Market and into Deep Ellum which caused even more of a media frenzy. The times we have been past both their old and new locations, the line was always much longer than we had time to spare. All of this is to say that four years ago when I heard about, "This random BBQ place at the Farmers Market," I wish we had given it a try. Now we will have to schedule a time to pay this renowned BBQ joint a visit, but from what I understand, it will be well worth the time investment.
Boulevardier
In addition to being a tasty cocktail, the Boulevardier looks to be an adorable little bistro in Bishop Arts. Despite the fact that Scott Reitz named it home to Dallas's Best Burger a year ago, we had never heard of this place when we first stumbled across it while looking for some dessert after dinner at Zen Sushi (we wound up at Emporium Pies, which was pretty decent). They were closed at the time, but our peeking through the window revealed what appeared to be the type of place we would enjoy. These days, Bishop Arts tends to be so crowded we try to avoid it. For this, though, we will make sure to venture once more into the breach and claim our crisp duck confit, berkshire pork chop, and grass fed burger.
Lockart Smokehouse
Another Bishop Arts favorite is another BBQ establishment, which is a bit amusing since we don't actually eat BBQ that often. This is another one that is well known, though not quite to the degree as Pecan Lodge. I have to admit that we don't have as much of an excuse for not making here yet. The line is not terrible, and parking is doable because of its location in Bishop Arts. There is a second location, in the quaint Plano downtown, which is not exactly the same as going to the original, but I have been there and it is delicious. We'd love to eventually get to the original, though, and partake of some amazing "moist" (a.k.a. full of fat) brisket.
Hattie's
This one is a bit interesting because it is a type of food we eat even less often than BBQ. At least, it is a type that my wife doesn't eat very often. I do tend to enjoy southern style cooking more frequently than her. The irony is that she has actually been to Hattie's before, while I have yet to make it. More importantly, we need to make it together. As this is another Bishop Arts location, it will take some work to get down there for a third must-eat-at destination, but I am determined to try some mac & cheese crusted filet before we depart from here.
Uchi
The lead up to this restaurant opening was filled with excitement from everywhere we turned. Reservations were hard to come by, and you had to book far in advance, even after they had been open for a while. We got around to reserving a table, and were eager to finally try it after hearing positive reviews. Unfortunately, we were unable to make our reservation, and have yet to make it there. We are determined, though, to enjoy the dishes of which we've heard so much before we leave.
Katy Trail Ice House
This one has been around for a long time, and we have almost made it there several times. We have been in the parking lot, so close were we to following through. We've walked past this place while on the trail. We have cut through its yard and lot to and from the trail. We have had friends hold parties there. We live close to it. There's really no reason for us to not have enjoyed this place, yet we just haven't made it. As we move into that brief period in Dallas where the temperature is not actively trying to kill you, I think that we'll finally seize our chance to enjoy the patio here before we go.
Pecan Lodge
It's safe to say that anyone who has paid attention to BBQ in Texas has heard of Pecan Lodge. It's probably safe to say that most people in Dallas have heard of this place whether they're into BBQ or not. It's been named one of the best in Texas Monthly and Southern Living, and featured on Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. Then came their move out of the Dallas Farmers Market and into Deep Ellum which caused even more of a media frenzy. The times we have been past both their old and new locations, the line was always much longer than we had time to spare. All of this is to say that four years ago when I heard about, "This random BBQ place at the Farmers Market," I wish we had given it a try. Now we will have to schedule a time to pay this renowned BBQ joint a visit, but from what I understand, it will be well worth the time investment.
Boulevardier
In addition to being a tasty cocktail, the Boulevardier looks to be an adorable little bistro in Bishop Arts. Despite the fact that Scott Reitz named it home to Dallas's Best Burger a year ago, we had never heard of this place when we first stumbled across it while looking for some dessert after dinner at Zen Sushi (we wound up at Emporium Pies, which was pretty decent). They were closed at the time, but our peeking through the window revealed what appeared to be the type of place we would enjoy. These days, Bishop Arts tends to be so crowded we try to avoid it. For this, though, we will make sure to venture once more into the breach and claim our crisp duck confit, berkshire pork chop, and grass fed burger.
Lockart Smokehouse
Another Bishop Arts favorite is another BBQ establishment, which is a bit amusing since we don't actually eat BBQ that often. This is another one that is well known, though not quite to the degree as Pecan Lodge. I have to admit that we don't have as much of an excuse for not making here yet. The line is not terrible, and parking is doable because of its location in Bishop Arts. There is a second location, in the quaint Plano downtown, which is not exactly the same as going to the original, but I have been there and it is delicious. We'd love to eventually get to the original, though, and partake of some amazing "moist" (a.k.a. full of fat) brisket.
Hattie's
This one is a bit interesting because it is a type of food we eat even less often than BBQ. At least, it is a type that my wife doesn't eat very often. I do tend to enjoy southern style cooking more frequently than her. The irony is that she has actually been to Hattie's before, while I have yet to make it. More importantly, we need to make it together. As this is another Bishop Arts location, it will take some work to get down there for a third must-eat-at destination, but I am determined to try some mac & cheese crusted filet before we depart from here.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Things I'll miss about Dallas - Part 1
I'm optimistically titling this part 1 under the assumption that more things will come to me. So far, my favorite restaurants are all I can think about (other than standard life things like specific friends etc.) I think I am so excited about all the things I'm looking forward to in Portland that many of the things I enjoy about Dallas, such as the Arboretum or White Rock Lake, are there in better form.
Stephan Pyles
He may spell his name wrong, but his eponymous restaurant is a downtown Dallas staple. The drinks are usually good, the appetizers and desserts are great, and the entrees are out of this world. The restaurant itself is cute, with nice lighting and trees, and a completely unused deck outside the bar. Seriously, no one goes out there. Probably too hot. My husband loves their cappuccino more than anyone else's on earth. They usually have a seared foie gras on the menu that is the best foie gras I've ever had. You have to try their cesar, with vertical stalks of romaine, a baked parmesan shell, and the crispy jalepeno polenta cubes. Recently (beginning of summer 2015) they debuted a tasting menu at dinner that was one of the best I've ever had. For dessert, their 'coffee and beignets' are always excellent. The coffee is actually a coffee flavored creme brulee, the beignets are excellent, and there is an espresso cup filled with cajeta to dip the beignets in. Truly a heavenly dessert.
Interestingly enough, after we decided to move we went to SP for dinner and had one of the more disappointing meals we've had. The green salad was indifferent, my strawberry basil fizz cocktail was more confused than muddled and not good, and dinner was enh. I can't even remember what I ordered.
Mercat Bistro
A little French bistro tucked by St Ann's, in between downtown and uptown? OK! The location is beautiful and they have really done their patio right - cute tables, cute lighting, and you can almost forget how close you are to high-traffic streets (but you can hear them). They have an industrial fan cooling the patio which makes the temperature almost tolerable. The couches off the patio are cute, as is the human-sized chess set. The dishes are adorable, with small water glasses, gold-rimmed china, and old fashioned champagne glasses. The patio is so cute we've never eaten inside.
The food, though. The food and the beverages. We've been for dinner once or twice but what really gets us back to Mercat is the brunch. You like sweet cold coffee? Get the shaken espresso. It's terribly named but it tastes so good! Sweet, vanilla, iced, creamy, coffee goodness. You want a breakfast cocktail? Get the St Flora. It's served in the previously mentioned old-fashioned champagne glass and comes in a mini-carafe. Today I got two glasses out of that mini carafe, quite generous for the price. It's basically champagne with elderflower liqueur, with a raspberry. There may be something else in it but I don't know and I don't care - it's so good.
The croque madame is incredible, easily the best I've ever had. It's too much food; the most I've eaten is half. The ham, the lightly toasted thick slices of sourdough, the emmenthal cheese, the fried egg on top - amazing. What really sets it apart is the salad you can get instead of potatoes. Bibb lettuce with a very simple vinegar really cuts the creaminess of the croque madame. My husband always gets the benedict, which he loves. Walking to Mercat from our downtown apartment is one of my favorite things.
Nobu
Sure, Nobu isn't a Dallas exclusive. I've had Nobu on a cruise ship (literally one of the fanciest ships in the world. No joke.) I've had Nobu in Vegas. I've had Nobu in Dallas. Amusingly, cruise ship Nobu may be the best Nobu I've had, mostly because they just focus on the new style sushi and sashimi and get rid of any fluff in the menu. But the advantage that Dallas Nobu has is that it is also walking distance from our apartment. Dallas Nobu is in the Crescent, which is beautiful but has been annoyingly under renovation for at least a year. The valet hasn't been as smooth as normal and the shifting facades around the Crescent are getting irritating but all of those are worth it - especially since we can walk - for the food. Nobu's new-style sushi is just really, really good.
A couple things to note; Nobu suffers from the same overly-dark ambiance I mentioned in my last post. The bar is awkward but has good happy hour specials and decent cocktails. Also, Dallas has some pretty good sushi. Not the fanciest sushi in the country, but surprisingly good. Unfortunately most of that good sushi is not in downtown or uptown Dallas. Nobu stands out because it is really good, pretty consistently.
Some of the hot appetizers are just not worth the price if you're not getting a happy hour deal. The tasting menu is really good and if it is your first time at Nobu, that's a good intro into their menu, which can be tricky to navigate. It is definitely one of those menus that wants you to craft a meal experience. If you just want sushi, order the sushi and don't get distracted by all the courses. If you are feeling adventurous, go for the tasting menu or go with someone who knows the menu. This is definitely a restaurant where you can go very astray if you just pick random things on the menu, which is unfortunate because going astray at Nobu can be a very expensive mistake.
Having said all that, if you know your way around their menu or if the chef is on his game and the tasting menu is on point, you can have an incredible meal. If you know sushi and have some favorites, you can consistently have a good sushi dinner for a reasonable price. Two things you should definitely order: The wagyu beef pot stickers are amaaaazing and for dessert, the miso cappuccino is all kinds of good. Here is how they describe it: "Milk chocolate miso brulee, vanilla ice cream, candied pecans, and cappuccino foam." So, so good. Nobu opens for dinner at 6 so if you are oddballs like we are, you can go earlier and eat at the bar. You can easily get in without a reservation on most nights. Again, I highly recommend doing the happy hour at the bar, you can get some tasty food for quite a discount.
Oak Lawn Coffee
This is the best coffee in Dallas. Hands down. We have not been to every single coffee shop but we have had Pearl Cup, Crooked Tree, and Ascension, all of which get quoted as 'the best'. Unfortunately anyone who says that does not actually like good coffee (more on that in a future post about what I WON'T miss about Dallas.) Oak Lawn Coffee is not the cutest coffee shop and it's definitely not in the trendiest location, but the seating is comfortable enough and there are power outlets. They have some food if you get hungry but really the food isn't why you go; you actually go to THIS coffee shop for the coffee. They make the best latte in Dallas and the barista(s) are friendly without being annoying. You'll find hipsters chatting each other up or talking to the barista, but most people are here writing, hanging out...drinking coffee. Because the coffee is really, really good. Do not come here for food, scenery, to be seen, or so you can say you've been at a trendy Dallas spot; only come here if you have been wondering where the good coffee is. Do you like coffee? Do you have transportation? Go to Oak Lawn Coffee and get a latte. Do you have a pet? There is a pet food place next door. Do you like your car? Don't park under the vents at the building across the parking lot from the coffee shop because you'll get pet hair on your car (and don't accidentally breathe in while walking under the vents.) I don't remember if it's a groomer or a vet or what but holy hell the vent blows out a lot of pet hair.
Ascension Coffee
Ok, ok. I will miss Ascension. But not because of their coffee. The concept is awesome - coffee shop, wine bar, food, all in one. They do fancy roasts, they import beans from wherever, they are kind of a gastropub, they serve trendy microbrews, and it's adorable because it's in the Design District. But the coffee is god-awful. Come here for food, beer, wine, or chai lattes but do not come here for coffee. Their avocado toast at brunch is what has made them famous, and it is quite good. If you want brunch go late or early because even with valet the situation gets completely out of control and you will certainly have to wait for a table. We always go at weird times and made the mistake once of trying to go during brunch and we just drove on by because it was so crazy. Fun fact: their dinner menu is actually better. The Moroccan lamb meatballs are delicious. Their salads are really good. They have a tasty baked mac and cheese. The penne and chicken is rich and filling. The cheese plate was disappointing, don't even bother unless they are featuring something you like. They change up the cheese plate so just read the menu carefully or ask them what they are dealing with that day.
Ascension has little tables, big tables, working tables, indoor tables, outdoor tables...you can come here and stay a while, nursing a glass of wine, ordering cheese, writing your manuscript and cursing their coffee. It's a fun place to arrange meetings with random people who will think you are trendy and tasteful. The espresso drinks are pretty (but taste terrible) so don't bring coffee drinkers here unless you want them to judge you.
I will truly miss my love/hate relationship with Ascension.
Stephan Pyles
He may spell his name wrong, but his eponymous restaurant is a downtown Dallas staple. The drinks are usually good, the appetizers and desserts are great, and the entrees are out of this world. The restaurant itself is cute, with nice lighting and trees, and a completely unused deck outside the bar. Seriously, no one goes out there. Probably too hot. My husband loves their cappuccino more than anyone else's on earth. They usually have a seared foie gras on the menu that is the best foie gras I've ever had. You have to try their cesar, with vertical stalks of romaine, a baked parmesan shell, and the crispy jalepeno polenta cubes. Recently (beginning of summer 2015) they debuted a tasting menu at dinner that was one of the best I've ever had. For dessert, their 'coffee and beignets' are always excellent. The coffee is actually a coffee flavored creme brulee, the beignets are excellent, and there is an espresso cup filled with cajeta to dip the beignets in. Truly a heavenly dessert.
Interestingly enough, after we decided to move we went to SP for dinner and had one of the more disappointing meals we've had. The green salad was indifferent, my strawberry basil fizz cocktail was more confused than muddled and not good, and dinner was enh. I can't even remember what I ordered.
Mercat Bistro
A little French bistro tucked by St Ann's, in between downtown and uptown? OK! The location is beautiful and they have really done their patio right - cute tables, cute lighting, and you can almost forget how close you are to high-traffic streets (but you can hear them). They have an industrial fan cooling the patio which makes the temperature almost tolerable. The couches off the patio are cute, as is the human-sized chess set. The dishes are adorable, with small water glasses, gold-rimmed china, and old fashioned champagne glasses. The patio is so cute we've never eaten inside.
The food, though. The food and the beverages. We've been for dinner once or twice but what really gets us back to Mercat is the brunch. You like sweet cold coffee? Get the shaken espresso. It's terribly named but it tastes so good! Sweet, vanilla, iced, creamy, coffee goodness. You want a breakfast cocktail? Get the St Flora. It's served in the previously mentioned old-fashioned champagne glass and comes in a mini-carafe. Today I got two glasses out of that mini carafe, quite generous for the price. It's basically champagne with elderflower liqueur, with a raspberry. There may be something else in it but I don't know and I don't care - it's so good.
The croque madame is incredible, easily the best I've ever had. It's too much food; the most I've eaten is half. The ham, the lightly toasted thick slices of sourdough, the emmenthal cheese, the fried egg on top - amazing. What really sets it apart is the salad you can get instead of potatoes. Bibb lettuce with a very simple vinegar really cuts the creaminess of the croque madame. My husband always gets the benedict, which he loves. Walking to Mercat from our downtown apartment is one of my favorite things.
Nobu
Sure, Nobu isn't a Dallas exclusive. I've had Nobu on a cruise ship (literally one of the fanciest ships in the world. No joke.) I've had Nobu in Vegas. I've had Nobu in Dallas. Amusingly, cruise ship Nobu may be the best Nobu I've had, mostly because they just focus on the new style sushi and sashimi and get rid of any fluff in the menu. But the advantage that Dallas Nobu has is that it is also walking distance from our apartment. Dallas Nobu is in the Crescent, which is beautiful but has been annoyingly under renovation for at least a year. The valet hasn't been as smooth as normal and the shifting facades around the Crescent are getting irritating but all of those are worth it - especially since we can walk - for the food. Nobu's new-style sushi is just really, really good.
A couple things to note; Nobu suffers from the same overly-dark ambiance I mentioned in my last post. The bar is awkward but has good happy hour specials and decent cocktails. Also, Dallas has some pretty good sushi. Not the fanciest sushi in the country, but surprisingly good. Unfortunately most of that good sushi is not in downtown or uptown Dallas. Nobu stands out because it is really good, pretty consistently.
Some of the hot appetizers are just not worth the price if you're not getting a happy hour deal. The tasting menu is really good and if it is your first time at Nobu, that's a good intro into their menu, which can be tricky to navigate. It is definitely one of those menus that wants you to craft a meal experience. If you just want sushi, order the sushi and don't get distracted by all the courses. If you are feeling adventurous, go for the tasting menu or go with someone who knows the menu. This is definitely a restaurant where you can go very astray if you just pick random things on the menu, which is unfortunate because going astray at Nobu can be a very expensive mistake.
Having said all that, if you know your way around their menu or if the chef is on his game and the tasting menu is on point, you can have an incredible meal. If you know sushi and have some favorites, you can consistently have a good sushi dinner for a reasonable price. Two things you should definitely order: The wagyu beef pot stickers are amaaaazing and for dessert, the miso cappuccino is all kinds of good. Here is how they describe it: "Milk chocolate miso brulee, vanilla ice cream, candied pecans, and cappuccino foam." So, so good. Nobu opens for dinner at 6 so if you are oddballs like we are, you can go earlier and eat at the bar. You can easily get in without a reservation on most nights. Again, I highly recommend doing the happy hour at the bar, you can get some tasty food for quite a discount.
Oak Lawn Coffee
This is the best coffee in Dallas. Hands down. We have not been to every single coffee shop but we have had Pearl Cup, Crooked Tree, and Ascension, all of which get quoted as 'the best'. Unfortunately anyone who says that does not actually like good coffee (more on that in a future post about what I WON'T miss about Dallas.) Oak Lawn Coffee is not the cutest coffee shop and it's definitely not in the trendiest location, but the seating is comfortable enough and there are power outlets. They have some food if you get hungry but really the food isn't why you go; you actually go to THIS coffee shop for the coffee. They make the best latte in Dallas and the barista(s) are friendly without being annoying. You'll find hipsters chatting each other up or talking to the barista, but most people are here writing, hanging out...drinking coffee. Because the coffee is really, really good. Do not come here for food, scenery, to be seen, or so you can say you've been at a trendy Dallas spot; only come here if you have been wondering where the good coffee is. Do you like coffee? Do you have transportation? Go to Oak Lawn Coffee and get a latte. Do you have a pet? There is a pet food place next door. Do you like your car? Don't park under the vents at the building across the parking lot from the coffee shop because you'll get pet hair on your car (and don't accidentally breathe in while walking under the vents.) I don't remember if it's a groomer or a vet or what but holy hell the vent blows out a lot of pet hair.
Ascension Coffee
Ok, ok. I will miss Ascension. But not because of their coffee. The concept is awesome - coffee shop, wine bar, food, all in one. They do fancy roasts, they import beans from wherever, they are kind of a gastropub, they serve trendy microbrews, and it's adorable because it's in the Design District. But the coffee is god-awful. Come here for food, beer, wine, or chai lattes but do not come here for coffee. Their avocado toast at brunch is what has made them famous, and it is quite good. If you want brunch go late or early because even with valet the situation gets completely out of control and you will certainly have to wait for a table. We always go at weird times and made the mistake once of trying to go during brunch and we just drove on by because it was so crazy. Fun fact: their dinner menu is actually better. The Moroccan lamb meatballs are delicious. Their salads are really good. They have a tasty baked mac and cheese. The penne and chicken is rich and filling. The cheese plate was disappointing, don't even bother unless they are featuring something you like. They change up the cheese plate so just read the menu carefully or ask them what they are dealing with that day.
Ascension has little tables, big tables, working tables, indoor tables, outdoor tables...you can come here and stay a while, nursing a glass of wine, ordering cheese, writing your manuscript and cursing their coffee. It's a fun place to arrange meetings with random people who will think you are trendy and tasteful. The espresso drinks are pretty (but taste terrible) so don't bring coffee drinkers here unless you want them to judge you.
I will truly miss my love/hate relationship with Ascension.
One Night in Dallas
Last night we decided to go out to dinner at one of our favorite upscale local restaurants in downtown Dallas. On a random Tuesday night we were easily able to get a table without a reservation, especially since we were going a bit after primetime for a downtown place.
We weren't exactly dressed for a nicer restaurant, but you can often get away with that in Dallas as long as you have some of hallmarks of respectability. For example, I was wearing a dress that was passable, but had changed into flip-flops earlier in the evening. My husband was wearing jeans, but had a nice sport coat on. That kind of thing.
I don't know if this is true everywhere, but downtown restaurants in the big D are always darkly lit. I guess it's supposed to add ambiance but frankly, on a beautiful late summer night with an actually tolerable temperature and some daylight remaining in the sky, I'd rather not feel like I'm eating in a dark theater. At the same time of day in almost any restaurants outside of downtown and you won't find such a cloying lack of light. It's even worse at lunch - blue sky days with bright sun, and a grimly dark lunch. But the food is usually worth it, in case you're wondering why we even go. SO WORTH IT.
As we sat at our table, waiting for the menus, I realized how many of the things I was noticing as I people-watched seemed particularly Dallas-y. I've lived here for 15 years and there are certain things about Texas, and Dallas especially, that just became my new normal after two years or so. Now that we've made the decision to move, and went and spent some time in our new chosen future home city, my Dallas glasses are coming off.
Heavy-set white men with thin blonde women
Most of the tables were full of men. Downtown, after work, mid-expensive restaurant - this is where men with expense accounts go to enjoy themselves and their food. This isn't a 'scene' restaurant, so the late 20s early 30s crowd isn't interested. These are older men, usually 3-4, with a thin blonde woman with very Dallas hair. On this particular evening the two tables closest to us were populated each with 3 white men and 1 white blonde woman (thin). Not all the men were heavyset - one of the tables looked like a mix of coworkers/ages/fitness - but most were. Why am I making a point about this? Because in Dallas, if you're a man, under 35 you need to be fit; 35-40 it's ok to let go a little bit; 40+, it doesn't matter, you have money. But for women, that obviously isn't true. In this crowd, and especially as you go up the income bracket, if you're a woman and you get older you better get blonder and thinner every year.
Waiters who aren't used to women taking the lead
I have a more aggressive personality than my husband. I tend to take the lead. Since we live in the South (don't let a Texan hear that; this is Texas, NOT THE SOUTH), I realize that me taking the lead all the time is seen as emasculating my husband. I don't want him to feel that way, even subconsciously; I don't want other people treating him that way. This is an actual thing I think about because I love my husband and we live in a place that isn't super accepting of non-traditional dynamics. Case in point: If I am not paying attention and I take the lead in any way, such as being the one to flag down the waiter or, depending on where we are, even ordering for myself - the waiter tends to get thrown off his game and doesn't know how to deal with us the rest of the night. I wish I were kidding, and I wish this didn't happen at least weekly. It does.
Wallflowers and Try-Hards
This dynamic has been covered by smarter, more educated women, so I'm just going to mention it and move on - the women who are in groups with these Dallas men, 90% of the time, fall in one of these two categories. Either they are sitting there looking pretty and keeping their mouths shut (table 1, to our left, with Peter Jackson's twin eating an impressive amount of ceviche), or they are dominating the conversation in their attempts to prove the are just one of the guys (table 2, to our right, with Banking Lady who told everyone 5 times she paid for her own engagement ring.) I'm sorry, ladies, that you are in a situation where these are the easiest choices.
The Entertainment
This isn't a thing that we witnessed on this particular night, but it's a thing I see all the time. Depending on the work crowd, a lot of times a younger woman is brought along who is the informal entertainment. She looks pretty, she tells funny stories, and no one listens to her when actual work is being discussed. She may not know this is her role but she can recall the sinking feeling in her stomach when she states her thoughts, facts, opinions about work and the men around her act as if she has not spoken. She may not say it this way but she definitely starts to get the message; she is being trained to be the entertainment, not an actual respected contributor.
Dallas is not a terrible place. It is, however, filled with soft sexism. If you are not a wallflower, a try-hard, or the entertainment, many professional men look at you as if you are a fish riding a bicycle. I know women who aren't held back by this. I know women who will say, not the men I work with. I know women who ignore it and do what they want anyway; I know women who are lucky or skilled enough to work with men they've either re-trained or who aren't as tied to these stereotypes. To those women, I want to say, help your sisters out. Recognize that if you aren't experiencing this, you are privileged. Not every other woman in the working world has your ability to tune out this crap, or the strength or thick skin every day to get through it, or the education or intelligence to know when it's happening and what to do about it. For everyone one of you professional women in Dallas who says 'not me', there are 99 others who are being ignored, disrespected, shut out, told they are wrong - 99 others whose voices aren't heard and who are slipping away from being able to make their mark in this world, in their world, at work.
This started out as a post of things I recognize about Dallas that are different. Yes, soft sexism is everywhere. But having lived in California and worked there, and then being immersed in Dallas, I can say that the South has much more institutionalized gender roles that impact working relationships and interpersonal dynamics. Three days in Portland reminded me it isn't as bad everywhere. My first job after moving to Texas was a glass of cold water to the face when during my second week I asked where everyone was going to lunch and they looked shifty and finally said 'the dollar store'. I was one of 2 women in this tech department and the guys were going to a strip club for lunch. Welcome to Texas.
We weren't exactly dressed for a nicer restaurant, but you can often get away with that in Dallas as long as you have some of hallmarks of respectability. For example, I was wearing a dress that was passable, but had changed into flip-flops earlier in the evening. My husband was wearing jeans, but had a nice sport coat on. That kind of thing.
I don't know if this is true everywhere, but downtown restaurants in the big D are always darkly lit. I guess it's supposed to add ambiance but frankly, on a beautiful late summer night with an actually tolerable temperature and some daylight remaining in the sky, I'd rather not feel like I'm eating in a dark theater. At the same time of day in almost any restaurants outside of downtown and you won't find such a cloying lack of light. It's even worse at lunch - blue sky days with bright sun, and a grimly dark lunch. But the food is usually worth it, in case you're wondering why we even go. SO WORTH IT.
As we sat at our table, waiting for the menus, I realized how many of the things I was noticing as I people-watched seemed particularly Dallas-y. I've lived here for 15 years and there are certain things about Texas, and Dallas especially, that just became my new normal after two years or so. Now that we've made the decision to move, and went and spent some time in our new chosen future home city, my Dallas glasses are coming off.
Heavy-set white men with thin blonde women
Most of the tables were full of men. Downtown, after work, mid-expensive restaurant - this is where men with expense accounts go to enjoy themselves and their food. This isn't a 'scene' restaurant, so the late 20s early 30s crowd isn't interested. These are older men, usually 3-4, with a thin blonde woman with very Dallas hair. On this particular evening the two tables closest to us were populated each with 3 white men and 1 white blonde woman (thin). Not all the men were heavyset - one of the tables looked like a mix of coworkers/ages/fitness - but most were. Why am I making a point about this? Because in Dallas, if you're a man, under 35 you need to be fit; 35-40 it's ok to let go a little bit; 40+, it doesn't matter, you have money. But for women, that obviously isn't true. In this crowd, and especially as you go up the income bracket, if you're a woman and you get older you better get blonder and thinner every year.
Waiters who aren't used to women taking the lead
I have a more aggressive personality than my husband. I tend to take the lead. Since we live in the South (don't let a Texan hear that; this is Texas, NOT THE SOUTH), I realize that me taking the lead all the time is seen as emasculating my husband. I don't want him to feel that way, even subconsciously; I don't want other people treating him that way. This is an actual thing I think about because I love my husband and we live in a place that isn't super accepting of non-traditional dynamics. Case in point: If I am not paying attention and I take the lead in any way, such as being the one to flag down the waiter or, depending on where we are, even ordering for myself - the waiter tends to get thrown off his game and doesn't know how to deal with us the rest of the night. I wish I were kidding, and I wish this didn't happen at least weekly. It does.
Wallflowers and Try-Hards
This dynamic has been covered by smarter, more educated women, so I'm just going to mention it and move on - the women who are in groups with these Dallas men, 90% of the time, fall in one of these two categories. Either they are sitting there looking pretty and keeping their mouths shut (table 1, to our left, with Peter Jackson's twin eating an impressive amount of ceviche), or they are dominating the conversation in their attempts to prove the are just one of the guys (table 2, to our right, with Banking Lady who told everyone 5 times she paid for her own engagement ring.) I'm sorry, ladies, that you are in a situation where these are the easiest choices.
The Entertainment
This isn't a thing that we witnessed on this particular night, but it's a thing I see all the time. Depending on the work crowd, a lot of times a younger woman is brought along who is the informal entertainment. She looks pretty, she tells funny stories, and no one listens to her when actual work is being discussed. She may not know this is her role but she can recall the sinking feeling in her stomach when she states her thoughts, facts, opinions about work and the men around her act as if she has not spoken. She may not say it this way but she definitely starts to get the message; she is being trained to be the entertainment, not an actual respected contributor.
Dallas is not a terrible place. It is, however, filled with soft sexism. If you are not a wallflower, a try-hard, or the entertainment, many professional men look at you as if you are a fish riding a bicycle. I know women who aren't held back by this. I know women who will say, not the men I work with. I know women who ignore it and do what they want anyway; I know women who are lucky or skilled enough to work with men they've either re-trained or who aren't as tied to these stereotypes. To those women, I want to say, help your sisters out. Recognize that if you aren't experiencing this, you are privileged. Not every other woman in the working world has your ability to tune out this crap, or the strength or thick skin every day to get through it, or the education or intelligence to know when it's happening and what to do about it. For everyone one of you professional women in Dallas who says 'not me', there are 99 others who are being ignored, disrespected, shut out, told they are wrong - 99 others whose voices aren't heard and who are slipping away from being able to make their mark in this world, in their world, at work.
This started out as a post of things I recognize about Dallas that are different. Yes, soft sexism is everywhere. But having lived in California and worked there, and then being immersed in Dallas, I can say that the South has much more institutionalized gender roles that impact working relationships and interpersonal dynamics. Three days in Portland reminded me it isn't as bad everywhere. My first job after moving to Texas was a glass of cold water to the face when during my second week I asked where everyone was going to lunch and they looked shifty and finally said 'the dollar store'. I was one of 2 women in this tech department and the guys were going to a strip club for lunch. Welcome to Texas.
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