In addition to all of the things that we have enjoyed in Dallas, there are still a bunch of things that we haven't done yet. These are all places we want to eat, since Dallas does excel on restaurants.
Uchi
The lead up to this restaurant opening was filled with excitement from everywhere we turned. Reservations were hard to come by, and you had to book far in advance, even after they had been open for a while. We got around to reserving a table, and were eager to finally try it after hearing positive reviews. Unfortunately, we were unable to make our reservation, and have yet to make it there. We are determined, though, to enjoy the dishes of which we've heard so much before we leave.
Katy Trail Ice House
This one has been around for a long time, and we have almost made it there several times. We have been in the parking lot, so close were we to following through. We've walked past this place while on the trail. We have cut through its yard and lot to and from the trail. We have had friends hold parties there. We live close to it. There's really no reason for us to not have enjoyed this place, yet we just haven't made it. As we move into that brief period in Dallas where the temperature is not actively trying to kill you, I think that we'll finally seize our chance to enjoy the patio here before we go.
Pecan Lodge
It's safe to say that anyone who has paid attention to BBQ in Texas has heard of Pecan Lodge. It's probably safe to say that most people in Dallas have heard of this place whether they're into BBQ or not. It's been named one of the best in Texas Monthly and Southern Living, and featured on Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. Then came their move out of the Dallas Farmers Market and into Deep Ellum which caused even more of a media frenzy. The times we have been past both their old and new locations, the line was always much longer than we had time to spare. All of this is to say that four years ago when I heard about, "This random BBQ place at the Farmers Market," I wish we had given it a try. Now we will have to schedule a time to pay this renowned BBQ joint a visit, but from what I understand, it will be well worth the time investment.
Boulevardier
In addition to being a tasty cocktail, the Boulevardier looks to be an adorable little bistro in Bishop Arts. Despite the fact that Scott Reitz named it home to Dallas's Best Burger a year ago, we had never heard of this place when we first stumbled across it while looking for some dessert after dinner at Zen Sushi (we wound up at Emporium Pies, which was pretty decent). They were closed at the time, but our peeking through the window revealed what appeared to be the type of place we would enjoy. These days, Bishop Arts tends to be so crowded we try to avoid it. For this, though, we will make sure to venture once more into the breach and claim our crisp duck confit, berkshire pork chop, and grass fed burger.
Lockart Smokehouse
Another Bishop Arts favorite is another BBQ establishment, which is a bit amusing since we don't actually eat BBQ that often. This is another one that is well known, though not quite to the degree as Pecan Lodge. I have to admit that we don't have as much of an excuse for not making here yet. The line is not terrible, and parking is doable because of its location in Bishop Arts. There is a second location, in the quaint Plano downtown, which is not exactly the same as going to the original, but I have been there and it is delicious. We'd love to eventually get to the original, though, and partake of some amazing "moist" (a.k.a. full of fat) brisket.
Hattie's
This one is a bit interesting because it is a type of food we eat even less often than BBQ. At least, it is a type that my wife doesn't eat very often. I do tend to enjoy southern style cooking more frequently than her. The irony is that she has actually been to Hattie's before, while I have yet to make it. More importantly, we need to make it together. As this is another Bishop Arts location, it will take some work to get down there for a third must-eat-at destination, but I am determined to try some mac & cheese crusted filet before we depart from here.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Things I'll miss about Dallas - Part 1
I'm optimistically titling this part 1 under the assumption that more things will come to me. So far, my favorite restaurants are all I can think about (other than standard life things like specific friends etc.) I think I am so excited about all the things I'm looking forward to in Portland that many of the things I enjoy about Dallas, such as the Arboretum or White Rock Lake, are there in better form.
Stephan Pyles
He may spell his name wrong, but his eponymous restaurant is a downtown Dallas staple. The drinks are usually good, the appetizers and desserts are great, and the entrees are out of this world. The restaurant itself is cute, with nice lighting and trees, and a completely unused deck outside the bar. Seriously, no one goes out there. Probably too hot. My husband loves their cappuccino more than anyone else's on earth. They usually have a seared foie gras on the menu that is the best foie gras I've ever had. You have to try their cesar, with vertical stalks of romaine, a baked parmesan shell, and the crispy jalepeno polenta cubes. Recently (beginning of summer 2015) they debuted a tasting menu at dinner that was one of the best I've ever had. For dessert, their 'coffee and beignets' are always excellent. The coffee is actually a coffee flavored creme brulee, the beignets are excellent, and there is an espresso cup filled with cajeta to dip the beignets in. Truly a heavenly dessert.
Interestingly enough, after we decided to move we went to SP for dinner and had one of the more disappointing meals we've had. The green salad was indifferent, my strawberry basil fizz cocktail was more confused than muddled and not good, and dinner was enh. I can't even remember what I ordered.
Mercat Bistro
A little French bistro tucked by St Ann's, in between downtown and uptown? OK! The location is beautiful and they have really done their patio right - cute tables, cute lighting, and you can almost forget how close you are to high-traffic streets (but you can hear them). They have an industrial fan cooling the patio which makes the temperature almost tolerable. The couches off the patio are cute, as is the human-sized chess set. The dishes are adorable, with small water glasses, gold-rimmed china, and old fashioned champagne glasses. The patio is so cute we've never eaten inside.
The food, though. The food and the beverages. We've been for dinner once or twice but what really gets us back to Mercat is the brunch. You like sweet cold coffee? Get the shaken espresso. It's terribly named but it tastes so good! Sweet, vanilla, iced, creamy, coffee goodness. You want a breakfast cocktail? Get the St Flora. It's served in the previously mentioned old-fashioned champagne glass and comes in a mini-carafe. Today I got two glasses out of that mini carafe, quite generous for the price. It's basically champagne with elderflower liqueur, with a raspberry. There may be something else in it but I don't know and I don't care - it's so good.
The croque madame is incredible, easily the best I've ever had. It's too much food; the most I've eaten is half. The ham, the lightly toasted thick slices of sourdough, the emmenthal cheese, the fried egg on top - amazing. What really sets it apart is the salad you can get instead of potatoes. Bibb lettuce with a very simple vinegar really cuts the creaminess of the croque madame. My husband always gets the benedict, which he loves. Walking to Mercat from our downtown apartment is one of my favorite things.
Nobu
Sure, Nobu isn't a Dallas exclusive. I've had Nobu on a cruise ship (literally one of the fanciest ships in the world. No joke.) I've had Nobu in Vegas. I've had Nobu in Dallas. Amusingly, cruise ship Nobu may be the best Nobu I've had, mostly because they just focus on the new style sushi and sashimi and get rid of any fluff in the menu. But the advantage that Dallas Nobu has is that it is also walking distance from our apartment. Dallas Nobu is in the Crescent, which is beautiful but has been annoyingly under renovation for at least a year. The valet hasn't been as smooth as normal and the shifting facades around the Crescent are getting irritating but all of those are worth it - especially since we can walk - for the food. Nobu's new-style sushi is just really, really good.
A couple things to note; Nobu suffers from the same overly-dark ambiance I mentioned in my last post. The bar is awkward but has good happy hour specials and decent cocktails. Also, Dallas has some pretty good sushi. Not the fanciest sushi in the country, but surprisingly good. Unfortunately most of that good sushi is not in downtown or uptown Dallas. Nobu stands out because it is really good, pretty consistently.
Some of the hot appetizers are just not worth the price if you're not getting a happy hour deal. The tasting menu is really good and if it is your first time at Nobu, that's a good intro into their menu, which can be tricky to navigate. It is definitely one of those menus that wants you to craft a meal experience. If you just want sushi, order the sushi and don't get distracted by all the courses. If you are feeling adventurous, go for the tasting menu or go with someone who knows the menu. This is definitely a restaurant where you can go very astray if you just pick random things on the menu, which is unfortunate because going astray at Nobu can be a very expensive mistake.
Having said all that, if you know your way around their menu or if the chef is on his game and the tasting menu is on point, you can have an incredible meal. If you know sushi and have some favorites, you can consistently have a good sushi dinner for a reasonable price. Two things you should definitely order: The wagyu beef pot stickers are amaaaazing and for dessert, the miso cappuccino is all kinds of good. Here is how they describe it: "Milk chocolate miso brulee, vanilla ice cream, candied pecans, and cappuccino foam." So, so good. Nobu opens for dinner at 6 so if you are oddballs like we are, you can go earlier and eat at the bar. You can easily get in without a reservation on most nights. Again, I highly recommend doing the happy hour at the bar, you can get some tasty food for quite a discount.
Oak Lawn Coffee
This is the best coffee in Dallas. Hands down. We have not been to every single coffee shop but we have had Pearl Cup, Crooked Tree, and Ascension, all of which get quoted as 'the best'. Unfortunately anyone who says that does not actually like good coffee (more on that in a future post about what I WON'T miss about Dallas.) Oak Lawn Coffee is not the cutest coffee shop and it's definitely not in the trendiest location, but the seating is comfortable enough and there are power outlets. They have some food if you get hungry but really the food isn't why you go; you actually go to THIS coffee shop for the coffee. They make the best latte in Dallas and the barista(s) are friendly without being annoying. You'll find hipsters chatting each other up or talking to the barista, but most people are here writing, hanging out...drinking coffee. Because the coffee is really, really good. Do not come here for food, scenery, to be seen, or so you can say you've been at a trendy Dallas spot; only come here if you have been wondering where the good coffee is. Do you like coffee? Do you have transportation? Go to Oak Lawn Coffee and get a latte. Do you have a pet? There is a pet food place next door. Do you like your car? Don't park under the vents at the building across the parking lot from the coffee shop because you'll get pet hair on your car (and don't accidentally breathe in while walking under the vents.) I don't remember if it's a groomer or a vet or what but holy hell the vent blows out a lot of pet hair.
Ascension Coffee
Ok, ok. I will miss Ascension. But not because of their coffee. The concept is awesome - coffee shop, wine bar, food, all in one. They do fancy roasts, they import beans from wherever, they are kind of a gastropub, they serve trendy microbrews, and it's adorable because it's in the Design District. But the coffee is god-awful. Come here for food, beer, wine, or chai lattes but do not come here for coffee. Their avocado toast at brunch is what has made them famous, and it is quite good. If you want brunch go late or early because even with valet the situation gets completely out of control and you will certainly have to wait for a table. We always go at weird times and made the mistake once of trying to go during brunch and we just drove on by because it was so crazy. Fun fact: their dinner menu is actually better. The Moroccan lamb meatballs are delicious. Their salads are really good. They have a tasty baked mac and cheese. The penne and chicken is rich and filling. The cheese plate was disappointing, don't even bother unless they are featuring something you like. They change up the cheese plate so just read the menu carefully or ask them what they are dealing with that day.
Ascension has little tables, big tables, working tables, indoor tables, outdoor tables...you can come here and stay a while, nursing a glass of wine, ordering cheese, writing your manuscript and cursing their coffee. It's a fun place to arrange meetings with random people who will think you are trendy and tasteful. The espresso drinks are pretty (but taste terrible) so don't bring coffee drinkers here unless you want them to judge you.
I will truly miss my love/hate relationship with Ascension.
Stephan Pyles
He may spell his name wrong, but his eponymous restaurant is a downtown Dallas staple. The drinks are usually good, the appetizers and desserts are great, and the entrees are out of this world. The restaurant itself is cute, with nice lighting and trees, and a completely unused deck outside the bar. Seriously, no one goes out there. Probably too hot. My husband loves their cappuccino more than anyone else's on earth. They usually have a seared foie gras on the menu that is the best foie gras I've ever had. You have to try their cesar, with vertical stalks of romaine, a baked parmesan shell, and the crispy jalepeno polenta cubes. Recently (beginning of summer 2015) they debuted a tasting menu at dinner that was one of the best I've ever had. For dessert, their 'coffee and beignets' are always excellent. The coffee is actually a coffee flavored creme brulee, the beignets are excellent, and there is an espresso cup filled with cajeta to dip the beignets in. Truly a heavenly dessert.
Interestingly enough, after we decided to move we went to SP for dinner and had one of the more disappointing meals we've had. The green salad was indifferent, my strawberry basil fizz cocktail was more confused than muddled and not good, and dinner was enh. I can't even remember what I ordered.
Mercat Bistro
A little French bistro tucked by St Ann's, in between downtown and uptown? OK! The location is beautiful and they have really done their patio right - cute tables, cute lighting, and you can almost forget how close you are to high-traffic streets (but you can hear them). They have an industrial fan cooling the patio which makes the temperature almost tolerable. The couches off the patio are cute, as is the human-sized chess set. The dishes are adorable, with small water glasses, gold-rimmed china, and old fashioned champagne glasses. The patio is so cute we've never eaten inside.
The food, though. The food and the beverages. We've been for dinner once or twice but what really gets us back to Mercat is the brunch. You like sweet cold coffee? Get the shaken espresso. It's terribly named but it tastes so good! Sweet, vanilla, iced, creamy, coffee goodness. You want a breakfast cocktail? Get the St Flora. It's served in the previously mentioned old-fashioned champagne glass and comes in a mini-carafe. Today I got two glasses out of that mini carafe, quite generous for the price. It's basically champagne with elderflower liqueur, with a raspberry. There may be something else in it but I don't know and I don't care - it's so good.
The croque madame is incredible, easily the best I've ever had. It's too much food; the most I've eaten is half. The ham, the lightly toasted thick slices of sourdough, the emmenthal cheese, the fried egg on top - amazing. What really sets it apart is the salad you can get instead of potatoes. Bibb lettuce with a very simple vinegar really cuts the creaminess of the croque madame. My husband always gets the benedict, which he loves. Walking to Mercat from our downtown apartment is one of my favorite things.
Nobu
Sure, Nobu isn't a Dallas exclusive. I've had Nobu on a cruise ship (literally one of the fanciest ships in the world. No joke.) I've had Nobu in Vegas. I've had Nobu in Dallas. Amusingly, cruise ship Nobu may be the best Nobu I've had, mostly because they just focus on the new style sushi and sashimi and get rid of any fluff in the menu. But the advantage that Dallas Nobu has is that it is also walking distance from our apartment. Dallas Nobu is in the Crescent, which is beautiful but has been annoyingly under renovation for at least a year. The valet hasn't been as smooth as normal and the shifting facades around the Crescent are getting irritating but all of those are worth it - especially since we can walk - for the food. Nobu's new-style sushi is just really, really good.
A couple things to note; Nobu suffers from the same overly-dark ambiance I mentioned in my last post. The bar is awkward but has good happy hour specials and decent cocktails. Also, Dallas has some pretty good sushi. Not the fanciest sushi in the country, but surprisingly good. Unfortunately most of that good sushi is not in downtown or uptown Dallas. Nobu stands out because it is really good, pretty consistently.
Some of the hot appetizers are just not worth the price if you're not getting a happy hour deal. The tasting menu is really good and if it is your first time at Nobu, that's a good intro into their menu, which can be tricky to navigate. It is definitely one of those menus that wants you to craft a meal experience. If you just want sushi, order the sushi and don't get distracted by all the courses. If you are feeling adventurous, go for the tasting menu or go with someone who knows the menu. This is definitely a restaurant where you can go very astray if you just pick random things on the menu, which is unfortunate because going astray at Nobu can be a very expensive mistake.
Having said all that, if you know your way around their menu or if the chef is on his game and the tasting menu is on point, you can have an incredible meal. If you know sushi and have some favorites, you can consistently have a good sushi dinner for a reasonable price. Two things you should definitely order: The wagyu beef pot stickers are amaaaazing and for dessert, the miso cappuccino is all kinds of good. Here is how they describe it: "Milk chocolate miso brulee, vanilla ice cream, candied pecans, and cappuccino foam." So, so good. Nobu opens for dinner at 6 so if you are oddballs like we are, you can go earlier and eat at the bar. You can easily get in without a reservation on most nights. Again, I highly recommend doing the happy hour at the bar, you can get some tasty food for quite a discount.
Oak Lawn Coffee
This is the best coffee in Dallas. Hands down. We have not been to every single coffee shop but we have had Pearl Cup, Crooked Tree, and Ascension, all of which get quoted as 'the best'. Unfortunately anyone who says that does not actually like good coffee (more on that in a future post about what I WON'T miss about Dallas.) Oak Lawn Coffee is not the cutest coffee shop and it's definitely not in the trendiest location, but the seating is comfortable enough and there are power outlets. They have some food if you get hungry but really the food isn't why you go; you actually go to THIS coffee shop for the coffee. They make the best latte in Dallas and the barista(s) are friendly without being annoying. You'll find hipsters chatting each other up or talking to the barista, but most people are here writing, hanging out...drinking coffee. Because the coffee is really, really good. Do not come here for food, scenery, to be seen, or so you can say you've been at a trendy Dallas spot; only come here if you have been wondering where the good coffee is. Do you like coffee? Do you have transportation? Go to Oak Lawn Coffee and get a latte. Do you have a pet? There is a pet food place next door. Do you like your car? Don't park under the vents at the building across the parking lot from the coffee shop because you'll get pet hair on your car (and don't accidentally breathe in while walking under the vents.) I don't remember if it's a groomer or a vet or what but holy hell the vent blows out a lot of pet hair.
Ascension Coffee
Ok, ok. I will miss Ascension. But not because of their coffee. The concept is awesome - coffee shop, wine bar, food, all in one. They do fancy roasts, they import beans from wherever, they are kind of a gastropub, they serve trendy microbrews, and it's adorable because it's in the Design District. But the coffee is god-awful. Come here for food, beer, wine, or chai lattes but do not come here for coffee. Their avocado toast at brunch is what has made them famous, and it is quite good. If you want brunch go late or early because even with valet the situation gets completely out of control and you will certainly have to wait for a table. We always go at weird times and made the mistake once of trying to go during brunch and we just drove on by because it was so crazy. Fun fact: their dinner menu is actually better. The Moroccan lamb meatballs are delicious. Their salads are really good. They have a tasty baked mac and cheese. The penne and chicken is rich and filling. The cheese plate was disappointing, don't even bother unless they are featuring something you like. They change up the cheese plate so just read the menu carefully or ask them what they are dealing with that day.
Ascension has little tables, big tables, working tables, indoor tables, outdoor tables...you can come here and stay a while, nursing a glass of wine, ordering cheese, writing your manuscript and cursing their coffee. It's a fun place to arrange meetings with random people who will think you are trendy and tasteful. The espresso drinks are pretty (but taste terrible) so don't bring coffee drinkers here unless you want them to judge you.
I will truly miss my love/hate relationship with Ascension.
One Night in Dallas
Last night we decided to go out to dinner at one of our favorite upscale local restaurants in downtown Dallas. On a random Tuesday night we were easily able to get a table without a reservation, especially since we were going a bit after primetime for a downtown place.
We weren't exactly dressed for a nicer restaurant, but you can often get away with that in Dallas as long as you have some of hallmarks of respectability. For example, I was wearing a dress that was passable, but had changed into flip-flops earlier in the evening. My husband was wearing jeans, but had a nice sport coat on. That kind of thing.
I don't know if this is true everywhere, but downtown restaurants in the big D are always darkly lit. I guess it's supposed to add ambiance but frankly, on a beautiful late summer night with an actually tolerable temperature and some daylight remaining in the sky, I'd rather not feel like I'm eating in a dark theater. At the same time of day in almost any restaurants outside of downtown and you won't find such a cloying lack of light. It's even worse at lunch - blue sky days with bright sun, and a grimly dark lunch. But the food is usually worth it, in case you're wondering why we even go. SO WORTH IT.
As we sat at our table, waiting for the menus, I realized how many of the things I was noticing as I people-watched seemed particularly Dallas-y. I've lived here for 15 years and there are certain things about Texas, and Dallas especially, that just became my new normal after two years or so. Now that we've made the decision to move, and went and spent some time in our new chosen future home city, my Dallas glasses are coming off.
Heavy-set white men with thin blonde women
Most of the tables were full of men. Downtown, after work, mid-expensive restaurant - this is where men with expense accounts go to enjoy themselves and their food. This isn't a 'scene' restaurant, so the late 20s early 30s crowd isn't interested. These are older men, usually 3-4, with a thin blonde woman with very Dallas hair. On this particular evening the two tables closest to us were populated each with 3 white men and 1 white blonde woman (thin). Not all the men were heavyset - one of the tables looked like a mix of coworkers/ages/fitness - but most were. Why am I making a point about this? Because in Dallas, if you're a man, under 35 you need to be fit; 35-40 it's ok to let go a little bit; 40+, it doesn't matter, you have money. But for women, that obviously isn't true. In this crowd, and especially as you go up the income bracket, if you're a woman and you get older you better get blonder and thinner every year.
Waiters who aren't used to women taking the lead
I have a more aggressive personality than my husband. I tend to take the lead. Since we live in the South (don't let a Texan hear that; this is Texas, NOT THE SOUTH), I realize that me taking the lead all the time is seen as emasculating my husband. I don't want him to feel that way, even subconsciously; I don't want other people treating him that way. This is an actual thing I think about because I love my husband and we live in a place that isn't super accepting of non-traditional dynamics. Case in point: If I am not paying attention and I take the lead in any way, such as being the one to flag down the waiter or, depending on where we are, even ordering for myself - the waiter tends to get thrown off his game and doesn't know how to deal with us the rest of the night. I wish I were kidding, and I wish this didn't happen at least weekly. It does.
Wallflowers and Try-Hards
This dynamic has been covered by smarter, more educated women, so I'm just going to mention it and move on - the women who are in groups with these Dallas men, 90% of the time, fall in one of these two categories. Either they are sitting there looking pretty and keeping their mouths shut (table 1, to our left, with Peter Jackson's twin eating an impressive amount of ceviche), or they are dominating the conversation in their attempts to prove the are just one of the guys (table 2, to our right, with Banking Lady who told everyone 5 times she paid for her own engagement ring.) I'm sorry, ladies, that you are in a situation where these are the easiest choices.
The Entertainment
This isn't a thing that we witnessed on this particular night, but it's a thing I see all the time. Depending on the work crowd, a lot of times a younger woman is brought along who is the informal entertainment. She looks pretty, she tells funny stories, and no one listens to her when actual work is being discussed. She may not know this is her role but she can recall the sinking feeling in her stomach when she states her thoughts, facts, opinions about work and the men around her act as if she has not spoken. She may not say it this way but she definitely starts to get the message; she is being trained to be the entertainment, not an actual respected contributor.
Dallas is not a terrible place. It is, however, filled with soft sexism. If you are not a wallflower, a try-hard, or the entertainment, many professional men look at you as if you are a fish riding a bicycle. I know women who aren't held back by this. I know women who will say, not the men I work with. I know women who ignore it and do what they want anyway; I know women who are lucky or skilled enough to work with men they've either re-trained or who aren't as tied to these stereotypes. To those women, I want to say, help your sisters out. Recognize that if you aren't experiencing this, you are privileged. Not every other woman in the working world has your ability to tune out this crap, or the strength or thick skin every day to get through it, or the education or intelligence to know when it's happening and what to do about it. For everyone one of you professional women in Dallas who says 'not me', there are 99 others who are being ignored, disrespected, shut out, told they are wrong - 99 others whose voices aren't heard and who are slipping away from being able to make their mark in this world, in their world, at work.
This started out as a post of things I recognize about Dallas that are different. Yes, soft sexism is everywhere. But having lived in California and worked there, and then being immersed in Dallas, I can say that the South has much more institutionalized gender roles that impact working relationships and interpersonal dynamics. Three days in Portland reminded me it isn't as bad everywhere. My first job after moving to Texas was a glass of cold water to the face when during my second week I asked where everyone was going to lunch and they looked shifty and finally said 'the dollar store'. I was one of 2 women in this tech department and the guys were going to a strip club for lunch. Welcome to Texas.
We weren't exactly dressed for a nicer restaurant, but you can often get away with that in Dallas as long as you have some of hallmarks of respectability. For example, I was wearing a dress that was passable, but had changed into flip-flops earlier in the evening. My husband was wearing jeans, but had a nice sport coat on. That kind of thing.
I don't know if this is true everywhere, but downtown restaurants in the big D are always darkly lit. I guess it's supposed to add ambiance but frankly, on a beautiful late summer night with an actually tolerable temperature and some daylight remaining in the sky, I'd rather not feel like I'm eating in a dark theater. At the same time of day in almost any restaurants outside of downtown and you won't find such a cloying lack of light. It's even worse at lunch - blue sky days with bright sun, and a grimly dark lunch. But the food is usually worth it, in case you're wondering why we even go. SO WORTH IT.
As we sat at our table, waiting for the menus, I realized how many of the things I was noticing as I people-watched seemed particularly Dallas-y. I've lived here for 15 years and there are certain things about Texas, and Dallas especially, that just became my new normal after two years or so. Now that we've made the decision to move, and went and spent some time in our new chosen future home city, my Dallas glasses are coming off.
Heavy-set white men with thin blonde women
Most of the tables were full of men. Downtown, after work, mid-expensive restaurant - this is where men with expense accounts go to enjoy themselves and their food. This isn't a 'scene' restaurant, so the late 20s early 30s crowd isn't interested. These are older men, usually 3-4, with a thin blonde woman with very Dallas hair. On this particular evening the two tables closest to us were populated each with 3 white men and 1 white blonde woman (thin). Not all the men were heavyset - one of the tables looked like a mix of coworkers/ages/fitness - but most were. Why am I making a point about this? Because in Dallas, if you're a man, under 35 you need to be fit; 35-40 it's ok to let go a little bit; 40+, it doesn't matter, you have money. But for women, that obviously isn't true. In this crowd, and especially as you go up the income bracket, if you're a woman and you get older you better get blonder and thinner every year.
Waiters who aren't used to women taking the lead
I have a more aggressive personality than my husband. I tend to take the lead. Since we live in the South (don't let a Texan hear that; this is Texas, NOT THE SOUTH), I realize that me taking the lead all the time is seen as emasculating my husband. I don't want him to feel that way, even subconsciously; I don't want other people treating him that way. This is an actual thing I think about because I love my husband and we live in a place that isn't super accepting of non-traditional dynamics. Case in point: If I am not paying attention and I take the lead in any way, such as being the one to flag down the waiter or, depending on where we are, even ordering for myself - the waiter tends to get thrown off his game and doesn't know how to deal with us the rest of the night. I wish I were kidding, and I wish this didn't happen at least weekly. It does.
Wallflowers and Try-Hards
This dynamic has been covered by smarter, more educated women, so I'm just going to mention it and move on - the women who are in groups with these Dallas men, 90% of the time, fall in one of these two categories. Either they are sitting there looking pretty and keeping their mouths shut (table 1, to our left, with Peter Jackson's twin eating an impressive amount of ceviche), or they are dominating the conversation in their attempts to prove the are just one of the guys (table 2, to our right, with Banking Lady who told everyone 5 times she paid for her own engagement ring.) I'm sorry, ladies, that you are in a situation where these are the easiest choices.
The Entertainment
This isn't a thing that we witnessed on this particular night, but it's a thing I see all the time. Depending on the work crowd, a lot of times a younger woman is brought along who is the informal entertainment. She looks pretty, she tells funny stories, and no one listens to her when actual work is being discussed. She may not know this is her role but she can recall the sinking feeling in her stomach when she states her thoughts, facts, opinions about work and the men around her act as if she has not spoken. She may not say it this way but she definitely starts to get the message; she is being trained to be the entertainment, not an actual respected contributor.
Dallas is not a terrible place. It is, however, filled with soft sexism. If you are not a wallflower, a try-hard, or the entertainment, many professional men look at you as if you are a fish riding a bicycle. I know women who aren't held back by this. I know women who will say, not the men I work with. I know women who ignore it and do what they want anyway; I know women who are lucky or skilled enough to work with men they've either re-trained or who aren't as tied to these stereotypes. To those women, I want to say, help your sisters out. Recognize that if you aren't experiencing this, you are privileged. Not every other woman in the working world has your ability to tune out this crap, or the strength or thick skin every day to get through it, or the education or intelligence to know when it's happening and what to do about it. For everyone one of you professional women in Dallas who says 'not me', there are 99 others who are being ignored, disrespected, shut out, told they are wrong - 99 others whose voices aren't heard and who are slipping away from being able to make their mark in this world, in their world, at work.
This started out as a post of things I recognize about Dallas that are different. Yes, soft sexism is everywhere. But having lived in California and worked there, and then being immersed in Dallas, I can say that the South has much more institutionalized gender roles that impact working relationships and interpersonal dynamics. Three days in Portland reminded me it isn't as bad everywhere. My first job after moving to Texas was a glass of cold water to the face when during my second week I asked where everyone was going to lunch and they looked shifty and finally said 'the dollar store'. I was one of 2 women in this tech department and the guys were going to a strip club for lunch. Welcome to Texas.
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